Go. See. Do.

short list of things to be grateful for.

2011-12-20T15:05:00.000-08:00

chedder cheese
pepperoni
gluten free crackers
peanut butter
apples
nalgene bottles
house plants/ceramic planters
Oscar the Dog
dog beds
dog coats
Kindle
unexpected gifts
Buddha statues
colored pens
unexpected Christmas cards
animal rescue groups
Brightly colored fall leaves
Cheap flights
warm air from the heater
electric lights
NPR
HOT Water
Hot Showers
clean dishes
Tuna sandwiches
recipes from friends
email
facebook
chat
texting
phone calls
smart phones
digital cameras
sterling silver
tarnex
families
friends
friends as close as family
pumpkin pie milk shakes
down comforters
new pillows
clean sheets
comfy beds
warm fur boots
inexpensive meds for dogs
garbage service
recycling
maps/globes
my vet
tacos
real Mexican food
Aqua Pina
Dog Food from RPAL
retractable leashes
dry red wine
crisp champagne
robert burns
heated seats
coffee
tea
hot cocoa
blogs, vlogs
youtube
moisturizer
lactose free milk
winter lawns
and so many, many more things.

Santa Baby?

2011-12-05T12:12:00.000-08:00

http://shirt.woot.com/friends.aspx?k=Nevermore-Long-Sleeved-Tee

Can I get this if I tell you I still believe in Santa.

Where do you want to go before... long.

2011-08-31T10:42:00.000-07:00

And just like that, an NPR promo inspires me.
I want to go to Venice. There's a giant print of a famous black and white of Venice's main square taken in the 50s hanging in my den. It was a gift.
I have been to Italy twice in the last decade, but have not seen Venice nor the Lake Country.
So those two places are on my list.
We spent a very wonderful five days in D.C. and decided very early in the trip that we definitely needed more time. So, on our list is at least one return trip to D.C., probably more, with trips to Baltimore, Potomac Ocean Shores and Virgina Beach. And, then a definite trip to the Appalachian Trail.
And some floating down that Shenandoah River seems like a good idea too.
Which reminds me that I want to go back to the mountains of Georgia/South Carolina and do some river rafting there. And Mt. Biking. It's just gorgeous.
Just now I was on the phone with an employee and she reminded me that I've been meaning to take a week and go explore the Gulf Coast. I have friends in Biloxi who I am supposed to go visit.
And it's been far too long since I've seen Charlston and Savannah.
So, the idea for this post is a bucket list of places I want to go.

Maine.
Vancouver BC
San Francisco/Santa Cruz/Monterrey
San Diego
Cuba
Playa Del Carmen
El Paso (Hueco Tanks)
Sedona and Taos
Costa Rica
Belize
Alaska
Lake Louise
Cape Hatteras
Martha's Vineyard
The Hamptons
New Zealand

That's just a small list to start.
Who can add to it?
Why no

Spreading Smiles

2011-08-31T09:16:00.000-07:00

Sometimes I try things for a little while before I talk about it, or write about it.
So I found myself thinking that we tend to fail at giving the little compliments that flit through our minds.
Do you take for granted that the garbage is picked up? Have you ever thanked a cashier for simply ringing up all your items correctly? Who did you think of yesterday and then not call? Because you were too busy, or you thought someone else was too busy? Or you dismissed the thought because something else seemed more pressing?
Well, I've been trying to let people know when I think of them.
And you know what, it is amazing.
I am behind, of course, because now I am thinking of all of you all the time and how grateful I am.
So, I'm asking you this... try to tell one person today that he or she makes your life better.
I think it will make your day.

2011-08-19T10:00:00.000-07:00

grocery shopping
repair kit for hose
braces to repair futon frame.
timer for hose.
defensive driving online
tequila
coffee
chair to John
horn
windshield wipers
climbing
scouting
garage sale items
annie
faith
mail Elenor Roosevelt book

grumble

2011-08-09T08:10:00.000-07:00

The fruit trees look like they're living in a war zone.
***
I was supposed to pick my car up at 7 p.m. last night. When I walked over there at 7:05 p.m. they were closed. When I got out there at 8:30 a.m. this morning to see if I could get it, they weren't open yet. It's odd hours for a mechanic shop, no?
***
Leo's vet records are here and so he gets to have his balls cut off. Finally.
***
I have a headache. I've had a headache since I got back.
Is it because it's 108 outside? Because it was only 78 outside in Virgina? Because of PMS?
Or is my body addicted to Ibuprofen and can't function without it now?
***
Harper's Ferry is in West Virginia. Annapolis is in Maryland. Add them to my list.
***
There's a restaurant in Harper's Ferry called Hannah's. Avoid. It's run down, dirty, cramped, messy, and a little bit creepy. Not only that, but the BBQ is not smoked, the sauce is from a big plastic tub and the fries are cut, breaded, fried and frozen before they get shipped in. We went there. It was one of 3 dozen choices. The fact that we stayed once we had walked in is proof that the worst restaurants can survive off frustrated and starving tourists. Location. Location. Location.
***
HHR is a crappy car. Chevy should be ashamed of the lack of visibility and leg room.
***
Ok, enough complaining. Tomorrow, a plan.

fear of the un-cold.

2011-07-28T07:13:00.000-07:00

I am scared to go home.
The Air Conditioner is supposedly working, but I'm just sure if I go home and try to work it will stop again.
It's been an unsettling six days. My nerves are frayed. My sleep has been erratic. It turns out I just tried 9 ways to spell erratic before I got it right.
My house if filthy. that's what happens when you've got doors open at night for six days. And dogs panting and restless from heat.
Everyone stopped eating. Eric didn't eat for 29 hours or something. The dogs left food in their bowls... left food!
It will probably take 6 plus hours of cleaning to get it all up and I have ... 40 people coming over on Saturday.
Sigh.
Time to face the dragon.

And the gold medal for jumping to conclusions goes to the United States Media

2011-07-25T16:15:00.000-07:00

Ethnic Norwegian.
That's what they keep saying in the news. That the man who committed the atrocious shooting in Norway was an ethnic Norwegian.
What have we come to in this country that we first have to establish that a terrorist IS NOT MUSLIM, before we can report the facts? Because we're all prone to jumping to conclusions... even me.
It reminded me that the states of information and journalism in this country are abysmal. For the most part, you are ignorant and intentionally so, and you would probably first think someone of Muslim faith had blown up downtown Oslo and was picking off swimming youngsters at a summer camp.
I am saying this because the conclusion I jumped to was, "nutcase." Not entirely without prejudice, but I do have to say, I pictured a bland, blonde nutcase all along.
Hate and closed mindedness have no particular claim to any ethnicity. Or religion.
Oh, and lest you want to call me a bleeding-heart liberal, let me remind you. Jesus was a liberal.

The odd little birthday post

2011-06-21T08:30:00.000-07:00

I have a strange list of desires for my birthday.... it's not that I don't have ideas on what I could use. It's that I really only have one desire: cooler weather. Now I know I live in Texas and I know it's hot every summer. And I know I'll get used to it. And I know that right after that, it'll end. But.... until then it's hard to stay in the moment. and it's even harder to imagine things I want for my birthday when I need almost nothing (material) and I couldn't use most of what anyone could gift me anyway... since it's too hot outside.

Anyway, the three things I can think of seemed like a very odd combination, so it amused me. The projects are much more "me," but again, I wouldn't wish them on anyone until September. Guess I was just born in the wrong time of year for Texas.

In the mean time, this, which I have coveted for 166 weeks. http://shirt.woot.com/friends.aspx?k=5230
***
does not go with this, but Dana has inspired me to switch to these... http://www.google.com/products/catalog?q=pyrex&oe=utf-8&rls=org.mozilla:en-US:official&client=firefox-a&um=1&ie=UTF-8&tbm=shop&cid=3769745989860689105&sa=X&ei=VLkATpGCL8WXtwf47KSWDg&ved=0CFMQ8gIwAg
***
and then .... which I bet no other woman my age has asked for in Dallas yet this year... I am getting new bike shoes and I need new ... http://www.google.com/products/catalog?q=crank+brothers+cleats&oe=utf-8&rls=org.mozilla:en-US:official&client=firefox-a&um=1&ie=UTF-8&tbm=shop&cid=2012169713314771891&sa=X&ei=BsEATsDINoyftwf4q5iiDg&ved=0CFcQ8wIwBA

Now, if it were September, I would need someone to sand blast and repaint my smoker. I'd like five empty kitty litter buckets (from Don Berg and Ruth McClure). Someone could volunteer to come out to the North Shore trail with me and dig up some bamboo. My recycling box needs to be sanded and painted. I need a printer stand. And I could use some help (or at least company) while I weed my garden.... not that everything won't be DEAD by September.

I have too much jewelry, I wear just one perfume, my hair is 3 inches long, and the idea of asking for swiffer dusters is too odd, even for me.

The good news is, I'm going to see my Sister for my birthday... so.... there won't be a big party and there's no need to bring a gift. Just revel in the fact that I'm slightly off kilter. It's why you love me. Or hate me. Or both.

KERA screws up and pisses me off, again.

2011-06-15T15:20:00.000-07:00

OH MY FREAKING GOD.... how dense can those people at KERA be?

First of all, I don't want anything to do with the TV station. I'm a radio girl. So now I've had to "like" the KERA feed and endure a bunch of CRAP about the TV station because they didn't separate the feeds. Idiotic.

Second, all I wanted, ever, was a phone call from Mary Anne Alhadeff. Instead, she had her assistant call me. I withdrew my support and am still waiting for her call. It's Public Radio, not the CIA. You don't get to pawn me off on your assistant.

Third, they claim they've asked for audience feedback on the schedule change... I listen every day. I listen so much that everything they put on the air between programs gets redundant. I have their PSAs and promos memorized. I could DO their pledge drives, I'm so well versed. They never, not once, solicited listener feedback on the schedule change. We lost Tell Me More, The Story, Splendid Table, and On The Media.
I am trying to stay calm and be rational, but I'd like to fire whomever made this decision. I'm gonna have to see if I can't get myself involved with the BOD. Won't that make them happy?

Bitten by the crankiness bug

2011-06-07T11:26:00.001-07:00

I know that it's genetically impossible for some people to get their focus off the details and their heads out of the weeds, but I dislike pettiness and I really dislike nit-picking.
When I am guilty of these things, I like that even less.
But when someone you have a supportive and decent relationship with makes a mountain out of a petty and understandable mole hill, I feel betrayed. And frustrated.
Now I have this mountain to climb today. A mountain I did not set forth to conquer. A mountain I didn't budget energy and time to scale. A mountain that doesn't even exist in its own right and never needed to fucking exist in the first place.
The resentment is gnawing at me. I am obviously cranky, hormonal and wading in my own set of weeds.
But dammit, I didn't need this today.
***
Spent yesterday recovering from the Red Eye flight from Vegas to Dallas. But seriously, the airline could not have been any worse had they flown only bullet-hole riddled planes with zombie flight attendants.
On Spirit Airlines you have to pay to check your bag, or you have to pay to carry it on. It costs more, tho, to carry it on. But if you check it, they could lose it. Which they did with Bean's bag on the way out. The staff must get a lot of abuse. They were already rude when we went to check in. They were no better when we went to complain about the missing bag. They told us it got held up by TSA. Because they rushed us all into the plane and pushed away from the gate 15 minutes early. They then sent the bag to Ft. Lauderdale.
Yup. Compounding errors.
They suck.
***
And... it's officially summer here. That means nothing will be done outside for three months. I will struggle just to keep the plants alive through the heat. I will pay through the nose for utilities. I will not get enough exercise, the dogs will shed and I will be in a bad mood.
Only 89 more days of whining to go.

2011-05-10T09:56:00.000-07:00

Facebook makes me lazy.
****
At various times since I've been writing out here on the Internets (rather than via some old-fashioned medium like the newspaper, or my journal, even), I have indulged in an exercise in gratitude.
Today, I seem to have lost my sense of humor, my drive to take care of the little things in life and my focus.
I, quite honestly, feel like I'm failing, not least at being happy. What on earth do I have to be unhappy about? My car runs, my internet is working, my roof is water tight, the grass is green, the medicine seems to be curbing Bailey's incontinence and I am going to see some really cool friends this weekend.
Well, I'll tell you (with the caveat that I know this is whining).
I cannot find a dress for the dinner this weekend. I most likely need to go to stores that I don't usually visit. But my lesser, bitchy self thinks this shouldn't be so hard. Why can't I just go to Marshalls and find what I want? Huh?
I cannot exercise without hurting myself and I don't feel good without exercising. This is a tough pickle, and honestly, the one place I really am stuck. Setting my whining aside, I don't know what to do. I want to run, but it hurts. I want to climb, but it hurts. I want to do yoga, but it hurts. The whiny side just wants to cry "it's not fair."
The garbage did not get taken to the curb today.
The house did not get steamed... I ran out of time, energy and give a shit.
I have not eaten that much better since my crisis of cheese fries on Cinco De Mayo.
I seem to buy groceries and then think I have nothing to eat. The fridge is filthy and everything in the kitchen needs to be tossed or reorganized.
The left headlight needs to be replaced. The tile floor still needs to be retiled. The grass is growing too fast, but the zucchini is withering.
My tomatoes will likely not produce this year and the garden seems to need all new soil. Again.
And, I spend almost all my waking moments thinking of work and this is because we're busy. What I can't seem to get through my head, is that just three years ago, I was about to lose my business and two years ago at this time I was unemployed.
So, do I have it out of my system now that I've written it down? Not sure.
Do I realize I have a lot to be grateful for? Well... this is supposed to be an exercise in gratitude, so... Let me count the ways.

There is a person for mayor this year who I think is worth giving my vote to.
I have enough dog food to last two months.
Dana gave me two boards which will make great shelves in my spare closet and allow me to organize it well.
Shedding season does come to an end.
I have friends who are good at tiling.
The car runs without the left blinker, so I can limp it along for now.
My mother recently repainted all her garden gnomes.
rain will solve the problem with the zucchinis.
I can buy tomatoes.
The power is on an the AC is running and there is no more water dripping out of the pan.
I have a closet full of clothes that I can be proud of and am not actually that vain about wearing the same thing more than once.
All of the people working for me make me proud.
Dana is going to make me eggplant tomorrow.

And there is a lot more. BTW, I now have two outfits put together for my trip.
Phew.
It seems to have worked...
Thanks.

Oddness

2011-02-15T10:29:00.000-08:00

I am in the Mustard stage of life.
***
People with Celiac are incredibly easy to please.
One batch of yummy, buttery, chocolate chip cookies that are soft and don't crumble and you can make us happy for an entire week.
***
The reason I like internet shopping is because my time is now more valuable than anything else. But even with shipping, it is still cheaper to get car parts, saplings, spa covers and cell phone accessories online.
***
As I get older, I like my parents more and more and other people's parents less and less.
***
Simple truths are the ones that stay true. To keep order in a dog pack, you must feed the Alpha dog first.
***
I still haven't gotten to make/try duck-fat fries.

A peaceful transition: I have such high hopes

2011-02-11T08:07:00.000-08:00

Mubarak Steps Down From Power

by NPR Staff and Wires

Protests In Egypt

text size A A A

February 11, 2011

Egypt's President Hosni Mubarak resigned Friday after 30 years in office, bowing to weeks of mass protests that paralyzed the country. Vice President Omar Suleiman announced the news on state television and said control over the affairs of state will be turned over to the military.

"In these difficult circumstances that the country is passing through, President Hosni Mubarak has decided to leave the position of the presidency," Suleiman said in brief remarks just after nightfall. "He has commissioned the armed forces council to direct the issues of the state."

The moment the announcement was made, Cairo's Tahrir Square erupted in celebration. People ran through the streets hugging each other and shouting, "Egypt is free!" and "The people have brought down the regime!" Car horns and celebratory shots in the air were heard around the city of 18 million.

Enlarge Pedro Ugarte/AFP/Getty Images

Egyptian anti-goverment demonstrators flood Cairo's landmark Tahrir Square early Friday.

Pedro Ugarte/AFP/Getty Images

Egyptian anti-goverment demonstrators flood Cairo's landmark Tahrir Square early Friday.

"It's the greatest day of my life," opposition leader Mohamed ElBaradei told NPR. "I could never have imagined that I would live long enough to see Egypt emancipated. It's an electrifying feeling.

"We have finally hope to catch up to the rest of the world and bring our country where it deserves to be — a democracy."

The ruling National Democratic Party also has been dissolved and the recently appointed general-secretary of the party, Hossam Badrawi, has resigned. Badrawi told al-Hayat TV that his was "a resignation from the position and from the party."

"The formation of new parties in a new manner that reflects new thinking is better for society now at this stage," he said.

A senior White House official said President Obama was at a meeting in the Oval Office when he was informed of Mubarak's decision to step down. Obama watched television coverage of the scene in Cairo for several minutes. He was expected to make a statement later Friday.

Mubarak left Cairo on Friday as hundreds of thousands of enraged protesters swarmed across the capital and other major cities in Egypt demanding his resignation.

A local government official told The Associated Press on Friday that Mubarak was in the Egyptian seaside resort of Sharm el-Sheikh, some 250 miles from Cairo, where he has a palace.

The Uprising

Live Blog: Latest On Events In Egypt Feb. 11, 2011

Follow a Twitter list of people NPR is monitoring in Egypt, including protesters and reporters.

World

Timeline: Presidency Of Egypt's Hosni Mubarak

Mubarak was thrust into power in 1981 in the chaotic aftermath of President Anwar Sadat's assassination by Islamic extremists at a military parade in Cairo and has ruled with a heavy hand for 30 years, making him the longest-serving Egyptian leader since the 19th century.

Mubarak had sought to cling to power, handing some of his authorities to Suleiman while keeping his title. But an explosion of protests Friday rejecting the move appeared to have pushed the military into forcing him out completely. Hundreds of thousands of people had marched throughout the day in cities across the country as soldiers stood by, besieging his palace in Cairo and Alexandria and the state TV building. A governor of a southern province was forced to flee to safety in the face of protests there.

Reports of the president's resignation came hours after the Egyptian military said it would support Mubarak's decision to remain in office through September elections.

The Armed Forces Supreme Council released a statement Friday endorsing the plan Mubarak unveiled Thursday night for constitutional changes and presidential elections and for transferring some powers to Vice President Omar Suleiman. The council also guaranteed that Egypt's hated emergency laws, imposed when Mubarak took power after the 1981 assassination of Anwar Sadat, would be lifted "immediately after the end of the current circumstances" — a reference to the mass protests.

The military also called for public services to resume and urged "the return of normal life in order to safeguard the achievements of our glorious people."

Hundreds of thousands of people across Egypt had watched Mubarak's speech Thursday in disbelief and anger as he refused to step down and made the symbolic gesture of handing over some authority to Suleiman. His defiant stance only emboldened the protesters, energizing their call for a "march of millions" Friday.

Protesters Mobilize In Cairo

Hours before Mubarak stepped down, about 2,500 demonstrators assembled outside the gate of the presidential palace on Friday, and more than 10,000 tore apart military barricades in front of the State Television and Radio building. The palace was protected by four tanks and rolls of barbed wire, but soldiers did not prevent people from joining the rally and chanting anti-Mubarak slogans.

Outside the palace, the words "You will be tried" were written in chalk.

Others massed outside the Cabinet, parliament and the state TV headquarters several blocks away from Tahrir Square, the center of the mass rallies that began Jan. 25.

Hundreds of demonstrators formed a human barricade around the building that houses state TV and radio, checking IDs and turning away those who work there. Tanks and barbed wire also surrounded that building overlooking the Nile, but troops did not keep protesters away.

In Egypt's second-largest city, Alexandria, NPR's Corey Flintoff said "tens of thousands, perhaps hundreds of thousands" were peacefully marching along a main boulevard that snakes along the Mediterranean seaside. Many waved Egyptian flags or carried banners and hand-lettered signs.

"We understand, too, that a great many people have gone to Cairo to join the protests in Tahrir Square," Flintoff said.

NPR's Lourdes Garcia-Navarro, Soraya Sarhaddi Nelson and Eric Westervelt in Cairo; Corey Flintoff in Alexandria; and Deborah Amos in Riyadh, Saudi Arabia, contributed to this story, which contains material from The Associated Press.

Enlarge Tarek Fawzy/AP

Tens of thousands of anti-government protesters marched in Alexandria, Egypt's second-largest city, on Friday.

More on the addiction front

2011-01-19T12:17:00.000-08:00

This morning the pledge drive began. And my mind shifted immediately to the analysis mode I adopt... how is the drive going? What have they changed? What philosophy have they adopted? What news events will drive success or struggle?

Yes, it's true. I have been faithfully listening through the pledge drives for 22 years and I actually have a goal to one day consult with NPR stations on how to make their drives better. It's a vision, really. 'Course it helps that I have a friend at the Corporation for Public Broadcasting. Makes me feel like I could actually get an audience and be taken seriously.

My addiction to NPR is a cornerstone of my identity. I like being in the know. And I love it when my friends and I get together and we're all referencing the same stories we heard on the radio.

Anyway... don't fret if you hate pledge drives. They are almost over before they ever get on the air. The poor staff deals with them for weeks, nay months, before they even begin.

It will all be over soon. Trust me.

Confessions of an NPR addict

2011-01-14T06:56:00.000-08:00

Decided to forgo the news this morning. Felt that maybe I was internalizing Arizona too much. So instead, I am listening to Itunes.
Still, the house feels empty. Without the familiar voices on the radio, it feels like a friend is missing.

This made me sob

2011-01-13T12:21:00.000-08:00

"She saw all this through the eyes of a child, undimmed by the cynicism or vitriol that we adults all too often just take for granted," he said. "I want to live up to her expectations. I want our democracy to be as good as Christina imagined it. I want America to be as good as she imagined it."

-President Barack Obama

She was a 9 year old. She was struck down in Tuscan a week ago by a gunman. She was Christina Taylor-Green.

I sob because this is so true. We have lost our best selves. And because this child will never see if we grow up to rectify our ways.

2011-01-12T15:45:00.000-08:00

Having just reread the post about my cousin's death, I realized that I pulled in. I had a sad and yet blessed Christmas. I shared it with very good friends. I was warm and dry and relaxed. And yet I cried at the drop of a hat and got angry. And now, back at work, I keep telling myself I'm just too busy. But that's not the only truth.
I don't know what to do with this whole death thing. My guilt and my frustration have not faded, it seems.
Eventually, I'll know. Eventually I'll write it down.
But not yet. Not yet.
***

RIP Jochan Nauman 1960-2010

2010-12-15T06:35:00.001-08:00

He did not make it. His body was too weak. Friday would have been his 50th Birthday. Now, there won't be any more birthdays. Or visits. That is all.

When bad fiction leads to sexual assault

2010-12-08T11:53:00.000-08:00

One of my staff has a 15 year old daughter who was bitten by a boy on the neck this week. The child swung at him and pushed him away, but he did leave a horrible mark (teeth identifiable) on her neck that was highly visible in photos three hours later.
This is assault and the boy will be removed from school and sent to a different facility to learn.
Now get this... girls are being bitten all the time now. It's a fad. Engendered by ... wait for it... the success of the Twilight series.
Sigh.
I'm going to find Stephanie Meyer (who's a horrible writer, btw) and make her personally pay for the counseling these young girls are going to need after they are sexually assaulted by some poor young boy who thinks he has to be a vampire to be cool, accepted, or "in." Oh, and I might bite her, too. She deserves it.
In the mean time, please please talk to your daughters. It's not OK for someone to bite you.
It's not sexy, it's not funny and it's not "in." It's assault.

Life really is more complicated when you're older

2010-12-06T11:57:00.000-08:00

My doctor's office makes referrals the easiest thing in the world. My doctor's office provides service to me above and beyond what they need to... and, still, it took four phone calls and a lengthy time on hold to schedule a mammogram.
Now I'm of that age where we have these things every year. And I will know more about getting one next year. But if my insurance changes, or my coverage changes, or the imaging center changes its procedures, will it take four more phone calls, and frantic web searching to get me what I need?

All I want for Christmas....

2010-12-03T06:41:00.000-08:00

Sigh.

My cousin is still clinging to life with a perforated bowel, 90 percent of his liver removed, no pancreas, a tracheotomy and tears in his eyes when he sees his brother.
There are many great things about being the child of immigrants, not the least of which is a daily reminder that I am the American dream.
But when someone you love is so sick and so far away and the world doesn't accommodate just checking out for a couple of weeks, well, then I am reminded that there will always be drawbacks, too.

Please send thoughts, prayers and white light to Heidelberg. In at least a couple of the world's religions, it's the season of Miracles. And I think we need one.

Searching for something special

2010-11-23T07:03:00.000-08:00

OK... so I remember as a Girl Scout we did these projects with tin cans and nails... we punched patterns in the cans and they became beautiful lanterns (well, OK, they had the potential, but we were just kids).
Anyway, I thought that there must be some fair trade website that sells something like that made by indigenous artisans somewhere. Unfortunately, I've run out of time for google searching.
Does anyone have any thoughts on a source for these?

Rest In Peace, dear friend

2010-11-01T11:43:00.000-07:00

He was one of the last honest and good reporters. The kind of journalist we all wanted to be - before that profession became corrupted and the nobility of it was gone.
A truly noble and wise man. He will be missed.

http://www.star-telegram.com/2010/10/31/2592083/obituary-tcu-instructor-phil-record.html#my-headlines-fortworth

2010-11-01T10:32:00.000-07:00

2010-10-12T08:46:00.000-07:00

The word of the day is Zemblanity.
Do look it up.

2010-09-16T17:34:00.000-07:00

When you have a cold, the oddest things hurt. So it's been nearly 48 hours now and my gut aches. It's from drainage and coughing and panting to try to catch my breath.
Sister just called to tell me that I haven't sounded this sick in years. That's probably true.
***
Hatch Chilies are not chili-ish this year. They're so mild, we had to add heat. Frustrating. Also, they're just nothing special unless you fire roast them. However, if you spice them up and add chicken, feta and top with mashed potatoes (all in a gluten-free pie crust) then they are actually very good. I just wish this wasn't a "whimpy" year.
***
Sometimes there is pleasure in small things. I like a new journal. I like finishing up an old journal so I can start a new one. I like clean, white, high thread count paper. Smooth paper. My journals are hard bound and never spiral bound. I tried spiral bound once. No good. Anyway, I'm pretty excited by the new one. Soon. Very soon, I will be writing in it.
***
And while we are on the subject of things I'm very grateful for:
Gluten-free pasta
Caesar dressing
Butter
Reusable plastic water bottles
ice cubes
On Demand
cold medicine
gas stoves
cast iron
eye glasses
finger nail files
yellow t-shirts
Christopher Moore
half priced books
a car that starts
candles
jellyfish paperweights
and blogs

plea for help

2010-09-09T07:08:00.000-07:00

I saw on the weather channel this morning that this was the third hottest August on record. I am not surprised, since I recently paid the electric bill.
***
I am intolerant and opinionated and capable of the smallness and pettiness I detest. Though I recognize it. I am afraid that I cannot control it, and in moments like this I feel my best option is to remove myself. But what if that is not an option? How do I put forward my higher self and not let the worst happen? How do I remember that my choices can and will hurt others, even when that's precisely what I so bitterly want to shove in others' faces?
***
Drinking, liberally. Fun. Interesting people. I talk too much when I spend all day (and night) working along in my house.
***
There are 100s of ant bites on my body, which, unlike bee stings, mosquito bites and the countless scratches that wept blood when they happened, are not healing. They continue to draw lymph fluid and form heads that peel off and restart the histamine reaction.
That, and I look like a major FREAK.
***
I am no longer looking forward to more rain, although cooler weather is a good idea.
***
Some lower court somewhere in this country ruled that a husband could not be held criminally liable for repeatedly raping and beating his wife because he was Muslim and Muslim law allowed it. A higher court ruled that state and federal law are the only laws in this country that count.
Seriously? Someone tried this defense?
First, it's not even Muslim Law. It's Sharia Law. Pre-Muslim tribal bullshit.
Second, the idea that a religious principle should ever trump our civil laws and our Constitution? What... I can't even finish that sentence. I'm disgusted.
I ... think it's time to either start kicking the asses of all the stupid people out there or renounce the human race.
***
Someone make me laugh. Please. For the love of all that is kindness and human grace. I am clearly in a mood that needs to be broken.

As soon as it's not so hot....

2010-08-12T13:30:00.001-07:00

1. Move bedroom fan to front porch and buy a new HIGH SPEED fan for bedroom.
2. Install ceiling fan in kitchen
3. buy and install and paint new inserts for back doors.
4. finish sanding wood putty and paint doors and windowsills
5. Paint living room and Master Bedroom
7. Install weatherstripping on all windows.
8. Strip and repaint front porch
9. Buy and install spot lights in Pecan in backyard
10. Finish shed extension and build arbor.
11. Install spiral in dry river bed.
12. Disassemble and rebuild the gates to the back yard.
13. Find trim pieces for car on internet and install
14. Build enclosure for trash cans
15. Recaulk shower
16. Retile kitchen
17. Put flooring in attic and install shelving
18. Replace Deck Furniture
19. Refinish hardwoods in Living Room and Dining Room
20. Rethink home ownership!!!!!

randomness

2010-08-11T07:47:00.000-07:00

Two things:

1. Greyhound scored a win with me this morning because on the heels of a discussion about sexing up and advertisement, I saw a billboard with the image of a new bus and the words ' wireless router.' Simply brilliant.

2. I checked the weather. There's a chance the 100 degree streak will break on Sunday and the predictions for Monday/Tuesday are only in the mid 90s. Dare we hope?

Feeling murderous

2010-08-02T08:52:00.000-07:00

You know that saying, "Nuke 'em all and let God sort 'em out?"

Some days, when I see stuff like this, I get so angry at the human race that I really do wish most of us ill.

I am opposed to the death penalty on principle, but mark my word... the man who did this to his wife? I WOULD WILLINGLY TAKE THIS MAN'S LIFE WITH MY OWN HANDS!

Update - August 7th, 2010

Fri Aug 6, 11:30 pm ET

LOS ANGELES – The disfigured Afghan teenager whose photo was recently featured on a Time magazine cover has arrived in Southern California where a foundation has arranged for reconstructive surgery.

The Grossman Burn Foundation in Los Angeles said Friday that 18-year-old Bibi Aisha arrived Thursday and is staying with a host family.

Aisha says her nose was cut off as punishment for running away from her violent husband.

Dr. Peter Grossman, a plastic surgeon and co-director of the Grossman Burn Centers, says he will meet with Aisha to discuss her treatment, likely a prosthetic nose or a reconstruction of her nose with tissue from the rest of her body.

Activists and human rights workers say they are glad that Aisha is getting treatment but thousands of other women are victims of domestic violence in Afghanistan.

2010-07-27T12:19:00.000-07:00

Last night, because a storm blew through and dropped the temp nearly 15 degrees to a workable 85, we built a very small campfire in our outdoor fireplace and I sat outside and played games until it was dark.
It doesn't have to make sense to you. But it made me feel a lot more centered. I truly <3 campfires.

2010-07-13T13:19:00.000-07:00

Numb, not entirely bad.
Numb, effectively sad.
awaiting the shoe
that drops without clue
Wondering. What delusions I had!

2010-07-12T13:39:00.001-07:00

There once was a boss named Scott
who screwed up his vacation, A LOT
But still he found time
to read my small rhymes
and thank me, which is not for naught

July 6th

2010-07-06T16:01:00.000-07:00

Taking days off is exhausting
Like eating a shit ton of frosting
It seems oh so sweet
No work - what a treat
but catching back up is a bad thing

Limerick for Drymple

2010-07-02T07:29:00.001-07:00

There once was an unemployed hasher
who thought, of the songs, he was master
he sent us the words
he in his brain heard
his gift the hash deemed a disaster

2010-07-01T14:10:00.000-07:00

Well, that's over!

2010-07-01T14:08:00.000-07:00

I was all kinds of anxious about turning 40, but it turns out it doesn't feel any different than any other age I've been. I got up and did dishes and made the bed just like always. I put away some laundry. I drank coffee. I drove to work in light traffic.
This is what they mean by living in the moment, I think.

And no, Ice Cream will not help

2010-06-29T13:06:00.000-07:00

I am insanely anxious. I have not worked out since Thursday of last week. I had a bad workout when I did.
I haven't been to Physical Therapy since last Monday because I can't make the time.
I can't focus and I can't leave and go do something else. Moreover, there is nothing I could go do that would make me feel like I've accomplished anything. I don't have shoes, for instance, so I can't even go for a run.
Honestly, I feel like I had too much caffeine. Which I did, yesterday. And the day before. But not today.
So what gives?
***
The Texas GOP published it's platform recently and they not only want to send people to jail for performing same sex marriages, they want to make it illegal for Gays and Lesbians to have custody of children. The list of atrocities they support goes on, but in those two planks alone lies so much hatred and evil that I can't express what the authors and supporters deserve. You see, almost all punishment would be too good for people who can advocate such hideous (and illegal) laws.
I'm flabbergasted. I'm ashamed to be a resident of Texas. And I'm ashamed that any human being could be so stupid and so cruel.
Suddenly I could just about cry.
***
I got six birthday cards. Three with doggies, two with gardens, and one with shoes. Seems my friends know me well.
***
It rained today... well, it rained all night yesterday and right on into today and right through lunch. The temp was so low, I had to turn off the a/c in my car. In fact, it was so nice out that I could cuddle with B. all night long and never feel sweaty or uncomfortable. This, I think, is the true definition of happiness. But it makes me want away from the heat more than ever. I know. I know. My third blog about heat in as many blogs. Not even funny and wearing thin as a subject already. I, however, can practically feel crisp mountain air right now and I have to tell you, it's making the anxiousness even worse.

Things I can't seem to keep up with...

2010-06-24T08:33:00.001-07:00

1. Brandon. He's so damn fast. Not sure how he can run at the pace he runs in this heat. I am all excited to try running a single mile on Saturday and I'm afraid he's going to laugh at my speed. Truth is... I like meeting people at the trail head and running my own pace and then hanging out with said people after we're all done... but there's really only a couple of people I've ever consistently been able to train with - Betty Norman and Paula Billman. And ain't none of us racing any more. What does that say?
2. Water. The garden needs more of it than I have time to put down. I watered and it's still withering. I'll water again. But at some point I wonder if it's just a waste of my time and the earth's natural resources.
3. My debit card. Left it at a restaurant last night. Third time I've done that this year. At least I know where it is.
4. Personal Hygiene. There isn't enough clinical strength deodorant in Texas to keep up with this heat. I'm a sweat factory. And I shouldn't live here. But what's worse is when I forget to put it on. Which happens more than I care to admit, frankly.
5. Sunscreen. I keep thinking I'm using enough of it, but my freckles say otherwise. I obviously took the message about tan skin equaling sun damage (wrinkles, discoloration, rough texture) to heart. Now, when I see that I'm not pale and pink, I am upset.
6. Time. Where in God's name has it gone? Wasn't it just yesterday that my fondest desire was a white cotton jump suit with a red belt (I asked for it for my birthday) and Farrah Fawcett's hair? The jump suits are back and they're still hideous. And after spending two years growing out this mop on my head, my sister tells me I look younger with short hair. I'm turning 40 next week and I can't believe that I've spent four decades on this planet. It's a good thing we do this living thing one day at a time, because otherwise the thought of it is overwhelming. I know it's a cliche, but I don't feel 40. Well, check that. Mentally I think I've always been about 40. I just can't imagine that I've been here that long. Really... my childhood was a long time ago. It was another century. And for what it's worth, the memories don't seem to be fading.
But these thoughts do lead me to a hypothesis... perhaps this is the inherent conflict of the middle-age crisis. 1978 seems like a very long time ago, but my childhood seems to be just a moment ago... and as I try to reconcile this I am suddenly aware that I must reclaim my youth, and that I must do all the things I'd dreamed of. NOW. Before it's too late.
Brandon tells me that it's never too late because age is a matter of how old or young you are in your head. This from a self-described worrier. Seemed so simple when he said it to me, though. Too bad I don't think it's possible (for me).
Another common conflict - the lack of ability to have personal perspective. Sigh.
But back to youth. And my dreams. They are not gone. And while I no longer want to drive a Mercedes, I do want a boat. And a house big enough for all my friends to stay over. And lots and lots of traveling.
So, if you don't mind too much, I think I'll stick to those dreams. Call it my mid-life crisis.
At least it's not cherry red and expensive to insure.

And where have you been, Missy?

2010-06-23T11:14:00.000-07:00

Working. 'Nuf said.
Sailing. It's nearly too hot to do even this.
Camping. Never again when temperatures are predicted to be 100 degrees.
Gardening. Although right now that seems to consist mostly of watering every morning and evening.
Hashing. Unfortunately, almost all the trails lately have either sucked, required me to lay them, required me to be beer meister, or started before I could get there from work.
Climbing. Not so much. Nancy broke her foot. LOB and Laura are on summer vacation. Jannette is in East Texas, Shine has become a sought-after movie reviewer, HoHo has to be in Houston all the time and ... not sure what heppened with April.
Melting. Yes, I am already done with summer. Completely done. And it' not even my birthay yet.

Options...

2010-05-27T12:12:00.000-07:00

1. I could probably use some of the time I have this coming weekend to finish my Ren Faire Costume.
2. I could probably get some Batik fabric and sew a pair of Hapi pants for Amy.
3. I could probably benefit from getting rid of some of the pants in my closet.
4. And, probably, clothes in my wardrobe, my dresser, and under my bed.
5. I would like to spend some time in the attic.
6. I would like to fix the back doors.
7. I would like to get some flagstone and create the spiral stone patio in my dry river bed, and create a space for my soon-to-arrive hammock.
8. I would like to build my arbor. And my covered rear extension for the shed.
9. I should poison the rest of the weeds. And pull the ones in my veggie garden.
10. I should amend the soil in my rear bed. And finally build the retaining wall I want. And dig holes where plastic buckets full of bamboo will go. And create a watering system for the fruit trees. And find a dad-gum persimmon.
11. I should get some de-greaser and clean my stove.
12. I could spend more time making things with the beads I have.
13. I could go to a spa and have a facial.
14. I could shop.
15. I could see if any grocerers are selling, at a reasonable price, fish worth feeding to my loved ones (mostly, it's never fresh enough).
16. I could get a swim workout in.
17. I could go ride OCNP after Ben trues my wheel.
18. I could read a novel.
19. I could go drink wine at Calais.
20. I could watch hours and hours of TV shows I have saved on my DVR.
21. I should bathe my dogs.
22. I should recaulk my shower.
23. I should and could do so many things...
I will probably do almost none of them. Aacck. I wish I had a plan.

my boss asked me to define myself

2010-05-21T09:22:00.000-07:00

I believe in recruiting.

It probably all started in high school, when I realized that being a good test taker meant being good in clutch situations – like interviews. I was a good interviewee. I was good at reading people.

I believe I still am.

I worked, through college and right there after, as a journalis; sports journalist, to be exact. And I wrote my share of down-to-the-wire, game-has-just-gone-into-overtime, there-goes-my-deadline stories on a TRS 80 with a 1” screen that equated to an inch of copy. And yes, it’s possible to bend time enough that you can run to the locker room, scribble quotes, transcribe your undecipherable penmanship, slap a lead on the story, and file your 15” in the 15 minutes between the end of a game and the second the presses start to roll. You learn tricks. And you deserve the beer you stop for on the way home.

I believe I still employ those tricks today.

I had a roommate sometime near the end of my journalism career who worked as an assistant to a Head Hunter. And although I still despise that term, I knew from the day we met and she told me about her job, that I would like recruiting.

I still do.

I used that story in my interview for my first recruiting job. I’ve never looked back. In my second week, the president of the company asked me if I like recruiting. I told him I was pleased to be using all the skills I’d learned as a reporter. But not before I gushed that I thought I was born to do this.

I believe I was right then. And now.

I love what I do. I’ve been told I’m good at it. I’ve got lots of years under my belt, tons of learning, a lot of industry best practices, and some unorthodox ideas I’ve developed on my own.

At Strother Consulting our success rate is unmatched. We have the statistics to prove it, too. I hope some part of that comes from the passion that I bring to my job.

Belief, I think, is a very powerful tool.

It's just a happy little protein to you

2010-05-20T15:11:00.000-07:00

One of the most frustrating things about Celiac disease is that it behaves very differently in different people. So, you really aren't going to know what it's like, until you've lived through an episode with me.
The other thing is that people can't see inside my gut (which is really a good thing, I know), but if I walked up to you with Poison Ivy covering more than 50 percent of my body, or, say, 15 or 20 stitches from a dog bite, you'd immediately know something was wrong.
A few years ago, a friend asked me, standing there by the banks of some fork of the Trinity on a hot Memorial Day afternoon, what would happen if I drank (drink) a cup of beer?
Well, my tongue swells up and I get really, really tired.
I mean so tired that I could fall asleep driving or sitting at my desk (which I've done) or standing in the shower (yup, done that too).
If I get exposed at lunch, I will be working away when to me that I feel like I've been hit by a bus. I notice some time around 2 p.m. Seriously. Within an hour the fatigue hits.
I feel like every muscle and every joint and every bone is under attack. It doesn't really hurt immediately. It just makes me utterly exhausted.
On Day 1, after the fight's been going on for a while, it hurts. It's not a sharp pain. It's a pervasive ache. I hold my self rigid and try not to breathe too much.
And I go stupid. My head hurts and everything is fuzzy. I cannot focus and I feel drained of mental sharpness.
At this point, I also get depressed and everything seems much more stressful than it should be.
There is a chemical component to the depression, to be sure, but it's also a psychological hit every time I go through this. One, because I did it to myself. A person with my disease should be more vigilant than I am. Two, because it's robbing me of my life. It makes me vulnerable and different and takes a physical toll on my body. It will age me faster than I would likely otherwise age. Three, because I cannot participate in the activities that make me. Make me feel better, yes. But also, define me.
Day No. 2 begins with diarrhea. Not a pleasant topic; but it's true. As the gluten is processed out of my system, it ulcerates the lining of my intestines. That hurts in a completely different way. Raw and inflamed. Knife blades in my gut if you touch me. But also empty and unsettled.
And my head hurts. It's like a hang-over gone nuts. My liver is busy processing and my normal allergies become active, and on top of that, I'm fighting to get rid of this stupid poison that I've voluntarily ingested 36 hours earlier.
And on Day 2, I am tired in a different way. I am tired because I've gotten no nutrients for 36 hours. I'm tired because I've been struggling against the mental fogginess and stressing about maintaining effectiveness and normalcy. Sometimes, I'm tired because stupid people say stupid things to me. "Will a tablespoon and a half in that whole pot really hurt you?" Yes. A single molecule can set me off. "Why aren't you drinking with us?" Because it will make me even sicker. Beer is not Gluten-free except in special cases.
But mostly, I'm tired of worrying if I've been stupid and said stupid things to people I love. I worry that someone - who doesn't know and hasn't asked - has just wondered why I'm looking so sour, or has judged me for standing around frowning or crying on the Physical Therapists table. I worry that I lashed out, or ignored someone's needs, or failed to be there when it was important, all because of a protein I was born unable to digest.
Most of the time I am surprised and grateful at how those who love me go out of their way to read labels, make substitutions to recipes so that I might partake, or do research and ask questions that might help me in the future.
To you, who do so much for me, my earnest thanks.
I'm sorry I'm so difficult, but it's not something I can help.
And for those who discount how rotten this disease is: I am very glad you never have to find out.

Are you going?

2010-05-17T13:07:00.000-07:00

The Top 10 things I learned while attending Scarborough Faire...

1. The first day of heat in any summer can zap the life out of the most energetic of crowds.
2. There's never enough time to see all that you put on your agenda.
3. Finding gluten-free foods during the Renaissance was obviously nearly impossible.
4. Some jokes are funny no matter how many times you hear them.
5. People, especially beggars and idiots, evolve.
6. Put enough fabric and excess costuming on, and you, too, can look like you haven't really aged in a decade.
7. German Comedy Rap Show = neither funny, nor particularly musical.
8. Beer/Bad Wine and nasty, crappy Mead can travel back in time to the Tudor Era, but apparently it's too much to ask of Hard Cider
9. It's amazing how cute 3 trained white rats can seem when humanity's children are running amok.
10. No matter how much you love your beloved, after the temperatures hit 90 degrees, touching is not as much fun.

actually laughing out loud

2010-05-10T13:36:00.001-07:00

http://lolgod.blogspot.com/

Confessions of sexism - yup, it's alive and well, even in me

2010-05-05T13:40:00.000-07:00

I have a friend at work.
Yup.
One.
And, a few weeks ago, she brought her daughters to work to say, "Hi."
They're like 4 and 2, so this is just fine. They come in and wave and hide behind her legs, and then they go off to the kitchen to have a snack and in about an hour or two, they go home.
My friend has worked at the company a long time. And when I first went to work there, her partner worked with us as well. We bonded over dogs, you see. And we learned that we liked each other.
So, when my friend go her promotion and her raise, her partner decided it was appropriate to quit so she could stay home with the kids. I miss her. But I hear about the dogs all the time anyway and see her on occasion.
If you haven't figured this out by now, they are lesbians. The girls have two mommies.
Now here's what I did.
I asked the girls if it was fun to be at work with daddy. And then I almost died, I was so embarrassed.
I don't think of my friend as a man. I don't think of her as a lesbian, except that I know her partner is a woman.
But I do still think of the parent who works as the daddy, and the parent who stays home as the mommy.
Even I can't believe it... but...
It's true.
I have done enough psychological analysis to recognize a deep-seated belief when one surfaces. And I said that horribly offensive thing to two little girls in front of their mother because of a limitation in my own brain.
I apologized for days.
I even explained myself.
And then I said... what the hell do women everywhere, of every sexual orientation, still go through every day, if I, the girl who grew up with a Mom who earned more than her dad, am still so intrinsically bound by old stereotypes and beliefs?

There's a fable about a father and son in a bad car accident who are taken into different hospitals. The surgeon walks in to do the surgery on the boy and says, "I can't operate on this child because he's my son." People get super duper confused on this... because we are told that the father was also injured and taken to a different ER. Why do we not automatically assume that the surgeon is a woman and the child's mother? Because we (Gen X and everyone before us) really never had the chance at equality of thinking...

And without that, we won't have equality of living either.

In the mean time, it is a woman's right to be called mommy even is she works full time and her partner stays home with the babies (cute babies, too).
And it is a woman's right not to have to listen to the insulting and horrendous assumptions we all make, even those of us who know better; even those of us who are her friends.

And so, on women's writes day, I am confessing to you that I still have a ways to go. And all of you probably do, too. Like it or not.

Hey... they are our future, aren't they?

2010-05-05T13:07:00.001-07:00

I have decided to raise other people's children. That means when they are in public and they are doing something that should be addressed, I will be addressing it. For the good of the whole wide world. And when they are doing something worth praise, I shall also praise them. It takes a village, after all. And kids really seem to need us.
***
Last night at the climbing gym some cub scouts were beating the ever loving tar out of our foosball table. Several of the dads were deeply engrossed in a conversation close by. I kid you not. They were about FIVE feet away.
I stopped the ruckus and asked the kids if they could afford to replace the foosball table if it broke. When the predictable answer was no, I asked if they'd mind treating the foosball table the way it was intended to be treated.
The ruckus stopped.
***
My sister had to pick up her best friend's daughter's best friend from Prom on Saturday. See Kathy is my sister's best friend and Becca is her daughter. Becca and her best friend, Taylor, were going to prom and, oops, they drank too much on the way there. Taylor got caught. The cops asked her to call her folks. Her mom, who had previously told her that she was doing her own thing on Saturday because it was her first day off in months and she wasn't going to waste it on her daughter's prom, did not answer her phone. Her father cussed her out and hung up. So she called Kathy. Kathy had been drinking in her own home with her husband and was not fit to drive. And so my sister drove to get the sobbing teenager, took her to get some food and then reunited her with the other teens when Prom was over.
Kids drink. And not doing something violently dangerous was a good choice on Taylor's part. And my sister? Well, she didn't really want to play chauffeur on a Saturday night. But we must do what we must do. And Taylor is part of her village.
***
Shine, however, would just like you to raise your children better. So she has this advice. Take it or leave it.
But kids have got to get a leg up on life from someone.
It's for the village's sake, trust me.

Life is nothing if not unexpected

2010-05-03T17:41:00.000-07:00

http://lifestyle.msn.com/relationships/article.aspx?cp-documentid=23686396&page=5

When is showing your tits ever not worth it? really?

2010-04-27T14:33:00.000-07:00

So I'm in a bit of a quandary over Boobquake. I'm just not sure it was a success. I mean, we had a ton of fun - we did - hanging out at Lee Harvey's in our cleavage-revealing tops and talking about our boobs. But the earth did not shake. I guess the up-side is that we proved that Iranian clerics know nada about anything - esp. geology and plate tectonics. So we win. But had the earth moved, I'd have been so impressed that we did that.

Olfactory distraction

2010-04-19T08:04:00.000-07:00

Someone who must hate me very much is making cinnamon toast in the kitchen across the hall from my office. Do you know how hard it is to concentrate with the smell of cinnamon toast wafting through the air... under the door.
I am nearly powerless to the seduction. It. makes. me. drool.

wow.

2010-04-16T12:47:00.000-07:00

My assistant says if I wear these I will be a diva.
I say if I wear these I'll never get to leave my room.

Making Tuesday count!

2010-04-13T09:47:00.000-07:00

"Life, for all its agonies of dispair and loss and guilt, is exciting and beautiful, amusing and artful and endearing, full of liking and love, at times a poem and a high adventure, at times noble and at times very gay; and whatever (if anything) is to come after it--we shall not have this life again."
Rose Macaulay

Exhaustion can be blissful.

2010-04-12T14:49:00.000-07:00

am exhausted.

I am exhausted from 72 hours of exquisitely well lived life, complete with the blood that proves our hearts are still beating, and the shared experience the forges the community that nourishes the soul.
And I would like to hold on just a little bit longer. To not. quite. yet. have to return to the realities of my career, my household and my previous obligations.

So can we stop the world, please?
I need to rest a bit.
I need to ease back into normal, whatever that might be.
And I just want to sit here and remember. Remember why my arms are heavy and my memories smell of beer, why my skin glows pink and my jaws hurt and I expect there to be a song on the wind.

A picture that invokes a few 1000 words

2010-04-06T07:03:00.000-07:00

Yesterday was Women's Writes day, but I had other things on my mind. Today, however, I saw something that makes me livid, and so, perhaps Shine will still link this entry to her blog, here.

I have never had an abortion.
I have never had to have an abortion because I got on the pill when I became sexually active and I've gotten off only once, last summer, for four months, which was a disaster, but I digress.
I have been on the pill more than half my life.
If I got pregnant now, I would not have an abortion.
For one, the man I am with would make the perfect father. I assure you this has not always been the case. For another, I am a secure, well-educated, happily employed, capable woman who can not only give a child a fabulous life, but also knows that there's nothing she'll miss out on, regret or destroy by bringing a child into the world. I assure you, this has not always been the case either.
But the reason I never had to have an abortion, is because I had the choice to control my reproduction.
And make no mistake, had anyone ever told me that I couldn't have an abortion, he would have rued the day he was born.
But, you probably could have figured this out by now. Right? Ok, so what's my point?
Notice that I used the word he in that sentence.
This morning I was behind a vehicle covered in Spanish And English anti-abortion propaganda. It's quite a picture: Dozens of hateful messages looming over you, one more retarded and vile than the next.
It's offensive enough that self-righteous, exclusionary, Christian freaks define their position as pro-life.
I'm here to tell you - we are all pro LIFE!
But this asshole had all these stickers, including one that said, "Vote Pro Choice," - Satan. And one that read, "Real Men Love Jesus."
Now, first off, if you're stupid enough to believe that Jesus only loved some of us, I'm afraid this whole post is lost on you.
But how does that sticker reconcile with Jesus's instruction that those who live in glass houses shouldn't throw stones?
I get so frustrated by the whole thing, I can get side-tracked for weeks.
Ummmm, back to my point about men and abortion...
A woman in a loving relationship with a man will not choose an abortion without great pain and great cause. And abortion is always the decision of the individuals involved in the pregnancy.
But women shouldn't have to be subjected to hate speech on the back of vehicles. And no man should ever tell a women he doesn't know intimately, what she or any other woman should do with her body.
So men, I'm going to dumb this down so you can all get it: SHUT THE FUCK UP about what I do with my body (Except you, Brandon).
And for the love of God, please go back and read that part in the bible where Jesus says, "love thy neighbor as thyself."
Thank you.

Wide awake at 4 a.m.

2010-04-05T07:31:00.000-07:00

Odd sensation; waking up in the middle of the night and reaching for someone, expecting him to be there. Lying awake then and wondering how life can change so quickly.
Amazed and in awe of the power of human connection. Not sure of the difference now, between sleep and the waking dream.

Once, when I was 15, a man recited this poem for me on a porch in Spain

2010-04-04T15:04:00.000-07:00

* "If
If you keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you,
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
But make allowance for their doubting too;
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or being lied about, don't deal in lies,
Or being hated, don't give way to hating,
And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise:

If you can dream -- and not make dreams your master;
If you can think -- and not make thoughts your aim;
If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster
And treat those two impostors just the same;
If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,
And stoop and build 'em up with worn-out tools:

If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breathe a word about your loss;
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: 'Hold on!'

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
Or walk with Kings--nor lose the common touch,
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you,
If all men count with you, but none too much;
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds' worth of distance run,
Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,
And--which is more--you'll be a Man, my son!"

Things at which I suck.

2010-04-01T15:20:00.000-07:00

1. Getting my coffee cups into the sink/dishwasher. This habit has been bugging me for years, but somehow I still always find my coffee cups in the bathroom/bedroom/office, cold, smelling badly, and with those nasty hard to wash coffee rings that have to be scrubbed away by hand. Someone please tell me: What is the positive intent of this behavior?
2. Music of the 2000s. And really, the 1990s. I know 4Mill hashing songs. I know the lyrics to songs that were popular before I was born. But I am so lame when it comes to the music of my time. Lame. This is so sad, it's not even funny any more.
3. Sleeplessness. I rarely, if ever, suffer from insomnia, but the steroid shot I got Tuesday for my Poison Ivy seems to have the nasty side effect of keeping me up all hours of the night. And ... since this never happens to me ... I have no coping skills. And today, I worked in a nearly comatose state. I suck at being coherent when I'm sleepy.
4. Bleaching my teeth. I have got to do it. My teeth are showing the coffee/tea/red wine I favor. But I can't do it two days in a row (much less seven) to save my life.
5. Bathing the dogs. It makes my back hurt. I hate doing it. I am pathetic and I admit it. I ask Eric to do this for me whenever I feel it feasible to ask, and that's shitty of me. Can't dogs learn to wash themselves?
6. Step aerobics, jazzercize or any other group class involving movement for exercise. Uggh. I am repulsed by the thought. Yoga and Pilates I can do in a group. Running on trail I can do with friends. But not only do I suck at active group exercise classes, I suck at understanding why you might like them. FYI, this goes for Spin Class and Bootcamp, too. And not just because spin class hurts.
7. Avoiding French Fries. They are yummy and good and I suck at saying no to them so badly, I am going to have to take out a restraining order to protect myself.
8. Helplessness. This waiting around for other people's illnesses to get cured, while I can do nothing useful, is a hard thing.
9. Doing anything while the TV is on. I am a zombie who is sucked into the TV whenever it is on. You cannot talk to me. I will not hear what you are saying. So don't try. And don't be mad at me if you do.
10. Fights. I broke one up last night because it's my job as Alpha in the pack to maintain order. But it leaves a hideous taste in my mouth when two people fight. No matter what it's about. And it can ruin my whole day. So how come so many people still think it's OK?
11. Accepting and forgiving the general ignorance of my fellow Americans. This never ceases to amaze me. No matter how much I defend them when I'm abroad, I am not a fan of stupid people and we seem to have more than our fair share in this country. Just sayin.'

General Updates

2010-03-29T18:24:00.000-07:00

It turns out that Kaiden's tumor was malignant, and even though they got it all, they will have to do Chemo.
***
The doctors now think my cousin has Endocrine system cancer. He is having some big test, a type of PET scan - on the 14th of April and will know more after that. Like whether chemo first and then surgery, or the other way around. I did, however, make his day today by telling him that I would come visit for Memorial Day.
He's determined to be well enough to come get me at the train station and have me in his home. I can't tell you how grateful I was to see the spark show up in his words. He got downright excited.
I can tell you that speaking directly to him was a relief, on so many levels. Some days the smallest of victories are what we cling to.
***
There are these strange rules governing wine sales. And one of them is that you can't call anything you make in this state (maybe country, I actually don't know) a port unless you've been making it for a while. Because at some point, they decided you couldn't call fortified wine "port." And they grandfathered in those who already were.
How this makes sense, I am not sure. Champagne is sparkling wine from the Champagne region of France. Port is not a special region.
Anyway, I learned this while working for my friend Ben at this winery on Saturday. I volunteered to check people in for the "Dallas Wine Trail" event that happens twice a year.
The event was really fun, but every story I hear about the TABC makes me want to slap people.
***
Blogger wants me to fill out a profile - and there's a section that asks me to write, "about me." Ummm. How about you just read this blog? 'Cause really.... if there's something about me worth knowing, it's probably in here somewhere.
***
So far, the sod is all still in it's place. The weeds, however, seem to have jumped out of the compost bin and run back to the dry riverbed. They must have. I just know we cleared a larger area than what I saw this evening. Uggh.
***
The bunny rabbits have arrived for Easter dinner.

Praying for Kaiden

2010-03-29T07:03:00.000-07:00

This morning a little boy named Kaiden is having brain surgery in Dallas.
You don't have to know him to do this for me, but please send love and prayers in this general direction.

Thanks.

"Hope is what makes us strong. It is why we are here. It is what we fight with when all else is lost." - Pandora from GoW3

When Liver Cancer would be an improvement

2010-03-25T13:39:00.000-07:00

My cousin is dying.
Yes. Yes. I know that we are all dying.
But my cousin is dying quickly and painfully. And they have no idea what's wrong.
My cousin's wife is not that bright, though painfully kind, so chatting with her via AOL IM is not the best way to try to understand.
My aunt, his mother, just lost her husband of 55 years and she's not anywhere near him and all information she imparted was filtered through my own mother's fears and sadness. Which is why hearsay is never allowed in court.
But back to Jochen. He does not have liver cancer. He apparently has a digestive tract that has been eaten up from bottom to top, as if he had a tapeworm, or drank anti-freeze. But it's neither of those.
My dear, dear Medicine Woman, who seems to never tire of discussing my family's medical conditions (although I think she would be annoyed by now) said Crohn's or ulcerative colitis.
In my opinion, all the specialists my cousin has seen should have already thought of those options... right? But who knows. I'm stuck over here in an English-speaking world gathering intel via AOL and hoping that my mom and my aunt are just being dramatic.
I've always felt responsible for this whole generation of my family and this situation is not helping.
I hate how powerless I feel, how worried I am for them, how worried I am for my mom.
And I hate that my cousin is so weak, that he might not make it to a diagnosis.
It's 2010. People shouldn't die of unknown things.
***
Little Ring may be moving to Vegas. And I just encouraged her. Wow. I would be pretty sad if she just left. But, I have a feeling that she needs to do this. It feels right.
***
Maybe I should try to think of something positive?
I think I might have met someone who can actually accomplish the goal of the Gluten-free Cheez-It. I told him about the offer of a first-born child. No response. Not sure how to take that. I'll have to wait and see if he can deliver.

To get what you want, you first have to identify it

2010-03-12T06:26:00.000-08:00

You know that game we play? The one where we see the potential winnings in the current lottery pool and you start listing, in order, the things you'd do with all that money?
Well, this post is about two completely different thoughts.

1. My thoughts about what to do with that money almost inevitably start with giving something to someone in my life who is currently struggling or needs money. Sometimes it's tuition, a safe car, an amount of money that will help with medical bills, monthly stipends to make someone's life easier, the use of someone's services to help their bottom line ... it makes me happy to realize that this has consistently been my first impulse - from as far back as I can remember. And I'm also glad that it still is.
As an aside, all of those people who told me I'd be less liberal when I got older were wrong. And I knew that then. And I affirm it now. My understanding of solutions to certain problems has changed, but I'm no more conservative than I was at 21.... ask anyone who knows me as Mouthful.

2. If I won tomorrow night's drawing ($59M in Texas), there are a lot of things I'd like to do for people. And then, there's a list of things I want to do for myself. It starts like this:
Pay someone else to get my yard in shape for summer. Have dirt brought in. Start over with sod. Buy full grown plants that don't have to 'grow' into the vision of a yard I have for them. Hire the labor to take out and re-pour the sidewalk. Create a proper driveway out of cement. Have someone working at a decent hourly wage hand-scrape the outside of the house and repaint it. And the porch. And the fence. Purchase a power washer that an employee will use to refurbish the deck before sealing it. Build a garage. Install new windows. Remodel the attic. Refinish the hardwoods. Retile the kitchen.
And the list goes on.
Odd, I know, that this is where my thoughts turn. If I won $59M, I could simply buy a new house and give this one to someone else. And who's to say I'd want to be in Texas?

But this list of things that my house needs is ever-present, and so I understand that it would be the first place my desires go.

And that, my friends, should tell us something about how our thoughts shape our lives. And if you can stop today, make the effort to consciously think of a list of things you'd do if you had no restrictions. If you can, let yourself really go down that path. Get creative. Dare to dream. You will notice that down the road, these things will be much more real to you. And when an opportunity presents itself (or when you win the lottery), you'll know what it is you really want.

There's power in that. Trust me.

H is for Hypocrite

2010-03-09T08:02:00.000-08:00

Palin Admits To Travelling To Canada For Health Care

Palin speaking in Calgary, Canada

In November of 2009, Sarah Palin — who is always suggesting that health care reform will lead to socialism — insisted that Canada needs to reform its health care system to “let the private sector take over.” But this past Saturday in Calgary, Canada — at “her first Canadian appearance since stepping down as governor of Alaska last summer” — Palin seemed to deviate from her fear of socialized Canadian medicine when she revealed that her family may have benefited from the Canadian system:

PALIN: We used to hustle over the border for health care we received in Canada. And I think now, isn’t that ironic?

This isn’t the first time Palin highlighted the difficulty of obtaining affordable health care in America. During the presidential campaign, Palin discussed how she and her husband Todd had “gone though periods of our life here with paying out-of-pocket for health coverage until Todd and I both landed a couple of good union jobs.” At the vice presidential debate, Palin recalled times in her marriage “in our past where we didn’t have health insurance and we know what other Americans are going through as they sit around the kitchen table and try to figure out how are they going to pay out-of-pocket for health care?”

Palin’s experience also highlights the fact that American medical-tourism to Canada is common, despite conservatives’ claims that Canada’s health care system drives Canadians into the states. “Every year, thousands of Americans undergo surgery in other countries” where they can receive the same care “at half the price.” “In 2007, an estimated 750,000 Americans traveled abroad for medical care; this number is anticipated to increase to six million by 2010″ — far outpacing the number of Canadians coming into the United States for medical treatment. It’s good to know that Palin was once one of them.

Cool! We could kill two birds with one stone

2010-03-09T07:56:00.000-08:00

I have to say, I'll be really really happy if he does.

Limbaugh vows to flee the country if health care passes.

Hate radio host Rush Limbaugh has been one of health care reform’s most vociferous opponents, warning that “[h]uman beings will die earlier than normal” under the “freedom killing” and “life threatening” plan, and calling for it to be “aborted.” Yesterday, Limbaugh put his money where his mouth is, saying that if health care passes and all his fears are realized, he’ll leave the country:

CALLER: If the health care bill passes, where would you go for health care yourself? And the second part of that is, what would happen to the doctors, do they have to participate in the federal program, or could they opt out of it? [...]

LIMBAUGH: My guess in even in Canada and even in the UK, doctors have opted out. And once they’ve opted, they can’t see anybody Medicare, Medicaid, or what will become the exchanges. They have to have a clientele of private patients that will pay them a retainer and it’ll be a very small practice. I don’t know if that’s been outlawed in the Senate bill. I don’t know. I’ll just tell you this, if this passes and it’s five years from now and all that stuff gets implemented — I am leaving the country. I’ll go to Costa Rica.

Now what do I do?

2010-03-08T15:36:00.001-08:00

I am living with a great internal conflict.
On the one hand, I am a bleeding heart who reels from the injustices humans heap upon one another and wants always to help first and ask questions later.
On the other hand, I have very little sympathy for stupid people and I've discovered that more and more of what's wrong with people is their own stupid choices.
This conflict has another aspect which is just as irreconcilable, even if it's less global in nature.
On the one hand, I believe very strongly that any adult should be able to do with his or her body whatever he or she wants. This includes the right to choose abortion, pierce your body, have sex with whomever attracts you, or save yourself for marriage.
On the other hand, I lack the capacity to understand S and M, or violent or degrading sexual fantasies.
I wouldn't say I want to ban it. But I can tell you that if you admit to me you've always wanted to be cut, whipped, choked, chained or otherwise be hurt during sex, I'll assume a pathology exists. I don't think you've got a healthy relationship with sex and I will not sleep with you.
I'm telling you this because I listened to an interview with the author of "Whip Smart" this morning on Terri Gross's "Fresh Air," and I was somewhat hopeful, given the venue, that I'd come to understand it at an intellectual level.
Nope.
The woman is smart and she is eloquent. But she divulged her own pathologies on the show and it only strengthened my initial impression.
And the conflict continues.

Embarassing but true

2010-03-04T06:54:00.000-08:00

This is what most of America thinks of the rest of the world.

This is what Facebook ought to be

2010-03-02T10:27:00.000-08:00

This morning, some of the best known restaurants in Dallas burned.

See here for the link: http://blogs.dallasobserver.com/unfairpark/2010/03/dallas_fire-rescue_trying_to_s.php

What's come out of it is this Facebook page. This is the best use of Facebook I have ever seen. People are posting jobs for those who are now unemployed and they are gathering other assistance as well. This is awesome.

Jim became a fan of Help Lower Greenville on Facebook and suggested you become a fan too.

To see more details and confirm this invitation, follow the link below:
http://www.facebook.com/n/?pages%2FHelp-Lower-Greenville%2F360095732494&mid=1f7550eG3e249f8cG1890b00G4c

Thanks,
The Facebook Team

There, I said it.

2010-02-28T13:46:00.000-08:00

My mother has siblings stretched across two continents, and I have cousins stretched across this same wide world.
Since my mother is the youngest of five and 15 years younger than her oldest brother, I have cousins who are decades older than I. And a couple who are younger, as well.
And this week Mom asked me to email a cousin in Western Germany to find out about his father, who is somewhere in Eastern Germany in a hospital and whose wife, my aunt and mom's sister, cannot be reached by telephone.
This won't make sense to you, but my mom was scared to call her nephew to ask about his father. She was scared that the news would be bad.
At this same time, my mother's second brother, who is a widower in his 80s, is also suffering from the same congestive heart failure, but his age addled brain doesn't grasp the most basic explanations of what's happening to him. And since he actually has no one, my mom is scared that he will not do as his doctors prescribe. And that she will lose another sibling.
This congestive heart failure thing happens to be my family's own private curse; or so it seems.
My mother's youngest brother died almost a decade ago after taking diuretics for four days, deciding he was cured and going back to work. He died in bed, in his early 60s, with his eyes wide open and a look on his frozen face that told us in no uncertain terms that his death had not been peaceful.
My mother was not pleased.
In effect, my uncle committed suicide by ignorant arrogance. And while this particular uncle was not my favorite (he lacked generosity and the ability to think of others first, which were cardinal sins in the subtext of my raising), I felt my mother was only appropriately sad. She did not suffer too long and she didn't let it change her life.
But the other day, on the phone, asking me to reach across the ocean via bits and bytes to ask after her family, my mother was scared.
I've seen her scared before. My Dad also had congestive heart failure. It was more than a decade ago and he had all the best care he could ask for and he had us. And her. And he's never been particularly stupid about health care (in fact, my father has a very healthy relationship with medicine and the health care industry), so today, he's sassy and silly and stubborn as ever. Mom was scared but she had ever right to be.
So why is this time different?
Because this time it hit me with all the insight of a conspiring universe that some day, sooner rather than later, my mom will be alone. I mean, not really, but her siblings are fading into old age and she is aware of it. And I am aware of it, too.
And I'm aware of something more...
Now I'm a sensitive sort, who sometimes carries a chip on my shoulder and acts defensive to shield myself from anticipated pain. You can even call me a bleeding heart, which I am, and which I balance with strengths I was also blessed with.
So I do not want my mother to hurt... or be scared. I would like to fix it, but I can't.
But my mom will never be truly alone because she has Kasten and Me. Something I have chosen not to have: Children.
And yes, for the first time in my life, I regret this decision.
I am alone.
And yes, I am very scared.

This Just In

2010-02-16T18:36:00.000-08:00

I like this visual depiction of the recovery. I feel this every day in my work, but I can't quantify it.

Gggggggggggrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.

2010-02-12T10:09:00.001-08:00

You. You know who you are. You cannot drive. I am glad that you mostly stayed home. Although the few of you who drive along until you come to an uphill AND THEN STOP are idiots and I am going to have to beat the next one of you who pulls this maneuver in front of me.
For the love of God....
***
At the current rate of melt, we will be post snowstorm in about 4 hours. And then, we'll have flooding. And no doubt someone will try to drive through a high-water crossing and stall out and get swept down stream and rescue personnel will have to risk their lives to save said someone.
I hope I'm wrong.
***
In the category "I am not immune from the above mentioned retardedness," I have sent out yet another meeting notice to the BMA mailing list with the wrong date. I am batting less than zero now and am going to contemplate a Japanese-style exit (anyone have a ceremonial dagger?). If you are interested in serving on the board of the Dallas Chapter, you should contact me. Because I'll need to name a replacement when I resign.
***
Is there a reason why queso has to taste so good? Because even a small amount not exceeding the recommended caloric intake of an average lunch makes my stomach feel like crap.
***
No sign of the missing sports watch, btw. Nev did say he hid it, but he hasn't said where... NEVEN?
***
I would like to be in a better mood now. Let me know of you can accommodate that. K? Thanks!
And I am sorry.

February 11th, 2010 - Winter Take III

2010-02-11T07:28:00.000-08:00

I. Um. Well, it is funny!

2010-02-10T07:38:00.000-08:00

Little Melissa comes home from 1st grade and tells her father that they learned about the history of Valentine's Day. 'Since Valentine's Day is for a Christian saint, and we're Jewish,' she asks, 'Will God get mad at me for giving someone a valentine?

Melissa's father thinks a bit, then says: 'No, I don't think God would get mad. Whom do you want to give a Valentine to?'

'Osama Bin Laden,' she says.

'Why Osama Bin Laden?' her father asks in shock.

'Well,' she says, 'I thought that if a little American Jewish girl could have enough love to give Osama a Valentine, he might start to think that maybe we're not all bad, and maybe start loving people a little bit.

And if other kids saw what I did and sent Valentines to Osama, he'd love everyone a lot. And then he'd start going all over the place to tell everyone how much he loved them, and how he didn't hate anyone anymore.'

Her father's heart swells and he looks at his daughter with new found pride. 'Melissa, that's the most wonderful thing I have ever heard.'

'I know, ' Melissa says, 'and once that gets him out in the open, the Marines could shoot the fucker.'

Oh. GOD. No!

2010-02-09T10:29:00.001-08:00

Dear professional journalist types,
please dig up something on this woman that will make her crawl back under her Wasilla, Alaska rock and stay there.
I don't think she can win. I'm not scared of her.
But I really, REALLY! don't want to have to deal with her as a public figure any more. Ever. Again.

Please help us all????

Antje

2010-02-06T13:36:00.000-08:00

Does anyone know where I might have put a $350 sports watch with heartrate monitor that needs a battery? Because I would have thought I would put it someplace obvious where I could see it and remind myself that it needs a battery.
Yeah. Not so much.
***
I have never purchased a TV. I used to keep one around because it was my grandmother's. Then, I lived with other people who had TVs. And then I lived alone again... but with TVs I salvaged from the detritus of that last relationship.
I never advocated everyone killing their TVs, although there were always a long list of people who I knew needed to. And, of course, there are always that group of people whom I wanted to beat with their TVs. But I digress.
My self-important belief is that I used TV very little, only when appropriate, never to self-medicate for more than a few hours and exclusively with very discerning taste.
So what the F*^@ is going on with me now?
This morning I woke to a table and kitchen full of dishes left over from last night's dinner party. And I didn't want to face it. But I couldn't just ignore them, either. Because I cannot ignore dirty dishes - without a little help
So I leaned on the idiot box. I sat on my bed and watched the weather channel for a maddeningly long time. The dishes sit now. Because I actually did need a shower and I actually did need to get to work.
This is not me. If you met me now and you liked all this zombie-like TV watching, you would wonder what happened when the real me came back.
And I know the real me will return. I know what she looks like, what she feels inside and what she does with her time.
So why am I so powerless to step into her now? What part of me needs TV so badly that the other parts are impotent; powerless to do anything but remind me who I used to be?
And why am I only slightly alarmed that Jethro Gibbs and Gregory House are the only men in my life?
***
I thought there was nothing a stupid as white sandals and white socks on a rainy day in February. But I'm wrong. Wearing them with black pants, a teal shirt and kelly green jacket is worse.
Actually, to be honest, it's painful.
***
If you need someone to do something nice for you, call me.
I am feeling like no one will ever show me kindness and I'm aware that I must strive to be what I want to have exist in the world. So, I'm going on a kindness campaign.
I would also like someone to care about my happiness, want my company and make a commitment to share my life with me.
This means, of course, that I must care about my happiness, want my company and make a commitment to share my life.
And not with angel and bones.
So I guess I'm going on a hunting campaign as well. Is it safe to hunt CRTs in the comfort of your own bed? Will a shot gun actually mortally wound a TV?
Inquiring minds want to know.

Menu of Memories

2010-02-04T16:15:00.000-08:00

I cried last week in Steamboat.
Yes. It was tons of fun.
Yes. It was gloriously pretty.
Yes. It was great weather.
Yes. There was plenty of snow.
Yes. My feet felt fine.
Yes. The condo was great.
And Yes... my friends, my wonderful friends, were there.

And still I sobbed.
I sat, with an old man whom I have loved dearly for many years, in his now quietly disorganized kitchen, ricing potatoes and honoring the heavy silence between us when he said to me," I sure do miss Clare." And then corners of his eyes were wet. And I sobbed while the fork flaked loose the soft dry flesh I would soon form into gnocchi.

For 14 years I've been visiting with Joe and Clare - always on the last weekend in January in Steamboat, and sometimes here in Texas. And once, in Chicago. And 10 days in Florence. Yes, that too. And it was on that trip in 2004 with the Doglio family in Bella Italia that the word Alzheimer's was first uttered.

There followed several years of visits where the memories were all we discussed, because there was no present. And then, there were several years when Clare still lived at home, where we didn't stay with Joe and Clare because her daughters lived there and helped with her care.

But now Clare is gone.

Oh, she's still alive. But she doesn't recognize her oldest daughter, with whom she lives, as her daughter. And she knows she was married to Joe Doglio, but doesn' know the old man who goes to bed with her as her husband anymore.

Dutifully, every six weeks, Joe flies to Oregon where Clare lives with Robin. And in between, he comes back to Steamboat where he works out doing Physical Therapy to rehab his knee, studies Italian and skies occasionally. He watches movies at night before he goes to bed.

But, he sure does miss Clare.

And so I salted the Gnocchi - which I never had the guts to make for my fiery Italian friend Clare - for her husband and my friends and her son-in-law's brother - with my tears.

I stopped then, and held Joe, and the tears ebbed. And the cooking continued.

And in the end, it was a meal worthy of the many, many memories that we - gratefully - still have, and can still share.

Menu of Memories:

Bake four potatoes. Cool and rice.
Mix with two eggs, nutmeg, salt to taste and enough corn starch to make a dough.
Wet hands and roll gnocchi and set aside to rest.
Boil water and drop in gnocchi. When they float, they are done.

Slice chicken breasts into medallions. Pound flat.
Coat with corn starch and nutmeg and salt and then flash fry in a pan of sizzling butter.
Remove chicken and add mushrooms. Saute.
Add heavy cream and the remaining corn starch mixture to thicken.
Return chicken to pan.

Sautee thing green asparagus with garlic, salt and browned butter.

Toss a bag of salad greens with two peeled tangerines, a bag of pine nuts, a can of heart of palm, diced onion and salad shrimp.
Dress with raspberry vinaigrette and serve.

Do not forget that Bananas Foster is best when you see the flames!

Pray not that God is on your side; but that you are on the side of God.

2010-01-19T12:55:00.000-08:00

So, I watched a very personally touching episode of CSI: New York recently where the victim and the assailant were both anti-Semites who collected paraphernalia from the Holocaust in order to glorify it.
As you know, I am German. And this is always a horrible subject for me and makes me sob and heavy in agony.
Later, I was telling my friend, the Spider Monkey, how it affected me. And she reminded me that my parents were tiny children back then. And my grandfathers were off fighting in the war, not at any camps...
"But," said I... "they knew." They all knew. And they did not fight what was happening.
Her response (because what do you really say to someone like me in this situation?) was that she hoped she would.
We agreed that we both hoped we would.
So, yesterday I posted to Facebook that I wanted to grab my service-minded friends, drive to Miami, charter a boat and go to Haiti where I was actually needed.
And people started to give me reasons why I couldn't/shouldn't/mustn't go.
Never mind that I only stated a desire - not an intent to act.

All it takes for the next Holocaust to be perpetuated, is for well-meaning people to tell those of us who would fight that we shouldn't/couldn't/mustn't!

First they came for the communists, and I did not speak out—because I was not a communist;
Then they came for the trade unionists, and I did not speak out—because I was not a trade unionist;
Then they came for the Jews, and I did not speak out—because I was not a Jew;
Then they came for me—and there was no one left to speak out.
Pastor Martin Niemöller (1892–1984)

Pine-ing for a new Star Trek Series

2010-01-18T14:01:00.001-08:00

How about this:
Chris Pine et al agree to do a series that exists in the gap between Star Trek: The Original Series and last summer's movie?
It could happen. And it could fill one of those 10 p.m. slots on NBC.
People would like it. And anyway, I would like it.
so, who's going to help me make it happen?

2010-01-17T10:22:00.000-08:00

It rained the other day. There are dogs. Dogs go outside in the rain. Dogs don't like to stay outside in the rain, tho. So they stand up and put their paws on the doors.
Therefore, the glass-inlaid back doors look like some sort of Jackson Pollock inspired etched glass art piece.
Now to find the sucker who'll pay me $1M for their avant avant-guardness. Or should we call this post dada-ist sentient being expressionism? Or, progressivist paw painting? I'm running out of art forms to make fun of here. But it's more fun than thinking about cleaning the glass.
Uggh.
***
I ran for 13 minutes the other day. Tuesday, to be exact. It was just longer than one mile and I did it on a treadmill, inside, while I was waiting for a phone call or two. The significance of this singular mile is that it's the first since the right ankle got sprained. You'll remember this, perhaps, as it happened six weeks to the day when my left ankle got sprained. It was my big attempt to go out for that "first" run after six weeks of rest and rehab. Luckily I have not injured anything else. I do have a pretty raw throat and congested lungs - but it's not becoming anything too debilitating, yet, so hopefully it will vanish in another day or two. Then, maybe, I'll try running two miles and see how badly the muscles/tendons/vessels in my lower extremities have atrophied (as if it could get any worse!).
***
I need to manicure my finger nails.
***

Who put the rock in rockgirl, anyway?

2010-01-11T15:08:00.000-08:00

I was giggling yesterday. I was smiling so stupidly; I couldn't stop. I skipped. I flirted. I gushed. I fell in love.
Yesterday, despite the fact that it was 20 degrees inside the gym, I climbed for 3.5 hours at Stoneworks. Shine and Princess climbed with me. We had to wear gloves to belay and we had to drive to Race Trac to get hot tea to keep our hands warm. And yes, it hurt. And yes, I hurt.
I pushed hard and I am aching today and my arms and shoulders feel like lead.
But I felt more alive and younger - lighter, fitter, healthier and more energetic- than I have in over 2 years.
And today, I understand that falling in love changes everything. Because it very literally changes who you are.
I am so, very, very thankful!

Why George Clooney can't have me

2010-01-08T15:10:00.000-08:00

Saw "Up In The Air" and George Clooney is so perfect I never wanted the movie to end. I also liked that they didn't wrap up his life in the pretty bows of a successful relationship with Alex. But I digress.
There are many, many remarkable things about the movie, probably best discussed by Terri Gross on Fresh Air when she interviewed the director.
But what's interesting to me is how mesmerized I was by this aging, leaner Clooney playing a character who is nearly completely broken. My thoughts are complicated by the physical attraction I have to Clooney, which is not a secret as most of you have heard me speak unequivocally about his physical effect on me. So I'm attracted to him - Clooney - even more after this movie and I wonder what about this character speaks to me.
And the reason I'm pleased that they didn't script a happy ending, by the way, is because I think the learning curve takes longer than a few weeks, one (or two) meaningful relationships and a tacky family wedding to make such a sweeping life change. Errr. But? Do I like him because he's maybe broken in the same way I am?
I mean, I'm single and I've never been married. I value my independence and am at my worst when I feel I'm not able to take care of things myself (which is why 2009 was the worst year of my life).
On the other hand, I'm as connected to friends, family and acquaintances as anyone I know. I have life-long relationships and 100s of friends whom I love and trust. Ryan Bingham has none of these.
Perhaps, I'm thinking, that this lack of connection on the character's part adds to the attraction - because, well, he has nothing to keep him from accompanying me as I move through my blessedly full and connected life. I'd give up nothing I do value to love a man such as this; and I'd gain an intimate connection to someone without fear of co-dependence.
Except that men like this generally made the choices that got them where they are for a reason. And those reasons are not likely to get easily set aside. In other words, what makes Ryan Bingham (or, really, George Clooney) so attractive is that they're , well, broken. And being with me would ...errr.... um. Shit. It's one of those paradoxes where the whole world would simply cease to exist in an instant if I got what I wanted.
So, I guess I'm glad I have no chance with Mr. Clooney. And that Mr. Bingham doesn't really exist.
And, I think I'll spend some time understanding the paradoxical beliefs I seem to be running.
Otherwise, I'm never going to fix myself. And I don't get to just escape into the air whenever things go wrong.

How do you know it's cold?

2010-01-06T06:13:00.000-08:00

Again with the cold air. The heater comes on and the heat doesn't. It's worse when the cold air is blowing.
So I call the heater guy and he doesn't answer and I realize, it is 7 a.m. Maybe he's not at work yet.
Turns out you can sit in your bed with a cashmere sweater on and work. I'm just not sure how long. And the kicker is, tomorrow the high is supposed to be 29 degrees. And the low is set for 13.
This heater simply must start working again before then!

Back to work

2010-01-04T10:32:00.001-08:00

I worked a lot of years as a recruiter for creatives. And, as a consequence, one of my pet peeves is pathetic business cards. Just sayin'
We can add this to my long list of resume peeves: like naming the thing resume. Which naming makes it really hard for the recruiter, me, to distinguish it from the 1000 other resumes I just got called resume.doc.
And people, it is not OK, no matter what your reasons, to share an email address with your spouse or significant other. If you have a joint email with an elderly parent or child because you're trying to protect and monitor, that is a noble thing. Don't use it on your resume. It's small-minded and sends employers the message that you're either lazy, codependent or lack a sense of individual empowerment. And those three things are career killers.
Just sayin'

Need

2009-12-29T11:47:00.000-08:00

A few new buttons on Facebook...
1. is the bullshit button: one simple way to tell someone he or she is completely full of shit. It would immediately locate all the untrue crap (including the myth of Christ's birth on Christmas Eve) and mark it as BS.
2. the elusive dislike button. So many uses; so little time to express them all.
3. a mood-actuated filter. In this field one would be able to enter one's mood, thereby causing Facebook to filter out anything that would offend or unnecessarily pain.
4. the block-all-games-and-other-superflous-aps button.
Anything else you all might want or desire?

Definitive things

2009-12-29T09:06:00.000-08:00

I need a copy of Gourmet Today. It's the cook book that Ruth Reichel and the Gourmet staff published the month before their magazine was unceremonially canned. I still don't understand a world without Gourmet, but in the mean time, I've decided that Gourmet Today is the definitive Cookbook of 2010.
Now, how long do you think it will be before I go get one?
Or rather, before I order it and have it shipped to my front door?

I swear there are real concerns in the world.

2009-12-03T08:45:00.000-08:00

Tiger Woods is a sinner. Who among us is free to cast first stone?

But is this a media crisis?

Yes, it's a crisis. It's a crisis for a man and a woman whose personal bond has been tested and whose private lives are in turmoil. And it's none of our business. And it's none of his sponsors’ business, either. He's right to say that personal sins should not require public confessions. Not one of us deserves one, least of all his sponsors.

His not backing down from his beliefs that this is a private matter is totally appropriate; and his sponsors should be scared that HE will drop THEM if they try to tell him what to do. He's already earned more than he can effectively spend in a lifetime.

Those sponsors threw themselves at him. They sucked up. They wrote outrageous checks. They did whatever they needed to do to curry his favor. They use him far more than he uses them, and the reason for their irrational exuberance is his golf game.

Those sponsors are owned nothing more than a dozen (or so) extraordinary games a year; tiger delivers.

The shame is ours. It's time someone like Tiger helped this country shed the chip we have on our collective shoulders. We have a belief (we, the collective US consciousness) that if you earn a lot of money for being the best at something - the very best ever - you deserve what you get in the way of public scrutiny.

We are jealous. We believe that for every win, there must be a loss and for every success there must be a price to pay. Quaint colloquialism.

But it's utter hokum.

Tiger would be stupid to turn down the millions he's been showered with; no one would think him sane if he did it. And we would be stupid to think that we'd willingly put up with lascivious voyeurism for a few extra dollars.

Now it's time for us all to stop demanding that he have/practice/commit better PR. And it's definitely time for us to stop calling for his head.

I have read somewhere, somewhere important, that you should not do unto others, what you would not have them do unto you.

We need to grow up. We need to get over the idea that he owes us anything. And, we need to hope that he continues to play golf.

Because the alternative would mean a great loss for the game. What would that prove?

Now, there is an economic melt-down in Dubai, ongoing civil wars in Africa where millions of women and children are raped every year, and 10.2 percent unemployment in this country. Really.

Let’s talk about crises.

How to screw up a Wednesday morning

2009-12-02T09:34:00.000-08:00

I decided to use the Internets for their intended purpose, research. Of course, I know that the Internets are really for Porn, but we'll just call that human sexuality research.
So, I got online and asked for online quotes for health insurance.
I'm trying to help my boss, because it's my health we're insuring. The first site showed me all the quotes I wanted - except HMO. I wanted an HMO quote, just to see. So it tried another site.
This is when I got screwed.
"Fill out this nice form, Ms. Terribly Naive," they said.
"Oh, OK," I said to myself like this was no big deal.
Fast forward to the part where I click submit and I don't get any quotes. Instead, I get a God-forsaken link farm which sent me back to the first website. And NO QUOTES.
Commence the phone calls.
I can't say I was very nice after the first few...
Now, I'm just ignoring the calls.

Can you say, sucker?

Menu for a Christmas Wine Tasting

2009-12-01T15:15:00.000-08:00

Hot artichoke crab dip with chips

Pumpkin Dip with Ginger Snaps

Cheese plate - crackers and fruit( grapes, figs, sliced apple)

Stilton
Gruyere or Raclette
Brie

Smoked sliced turkey breast with rolls

sage aioli
mustard

Assorted baby mushrooms with curry dip

Smoked salmon fillet with chopped egg, dill, onion - with bruschetta

Assorted cookies and fudge

Quitteris fast becoming her middle name

2009-12-01T06:17:00.000-08:00

Palin quits before finishing the 5K Turkey Trot race.

On Wednesday, Sarah Palin excitedly announced on Twitter that she was going to be running a 5K Turkey Trot charity race in Washington state on Thanksgiving day. Large crowds of people turned out to catch Palin at the race, hoping to get the chance to meet the former Alaska governor. Palin, however, quit the race early to avoid many of her fans:

Palin had announced on Twitter that she would be running the 5k race organized by the Benton-Franklin Chapter of the Red Cross.

She didn’t finish the race, opting to leave the course early to avoid more crowds at the end. About 40 minutes into the run, word started trickling out to people gathered at the finish line that she was gone.

Wonkette also points out that Palin said she wasn’t going to be making a turkey dinner for Thanksgiving because it was “too much work.”

Will these save me from pregnany?

2009-11-29T08:47:00.000-08:00

So recently I told my roommate I thought I'd give birth to the love child of the person who invented Gluten-free Cheez-its. I have been craving them A LOT. It's actually CB's fault, because he has been bringing them into the house and sharing them with everything in here that eats - except me! Not that he should share them with me; they would make me very sick. But he did put the idea into my brain.

So, I'm off to the store to find the ingredients I need for this lovely cheezy cracker. I am going to substitute butter. Because this is my I'd-do-anything-to-eat-them-again Gluten-Free craving.

Ingredients:

3/4 cup amaranth flour
1/2 cup arrowroot starch OR cornstarch
1/4 cup almond meal
1 teaspoon cream of tartar
1/2 teaspoon baking soda
1/2 teaspoon salt
1/2 teaspoon gluten-free onion powder
1/4 teaspoon ground cayenne
6 tablespoons olive oil
6 tablespoons buttermilk OR your favorite dairy substitute
1 cup freshly grated sharp cheddar cheese

Preparation:

Preheat oven to 350°

Place all dry ingredients in a large mixing bowl and whisk to thoroughly combine.
Add olive oil and buttermilk and mix until a ball forms.
If the dough is too crumbly, add more buttermilk, one teaspoon at a time, until a ball of dough forms.
Divide the dough in half and place on a work surface, liberally sprinkled with white rice flour. Flour a rolling pin and roll the dough until it is is very thin, about the thickness of a pie crust.
Cut cracker circles with a 1 1/2 inch biscuit or cookie cutter, or use a knife to cut dough into 1 1/2 to 2 inch squares. Use a spatula to transfer crackers to a large, ungreased baking sheet.
Repeat process with remaining cracker dough.
Bake for 15 minutes. Carefully transfer crackers to two wire cooling racks. Carefully place racks wih crackers back on baking sheets and bake for 6 minutes. Remove from oven.
Cool completely and store for up to 5 days in an airtight container.

Makes 70 1 1/2 inch round crackers.

Serve with dips, cheese spreads or make nut butter cracker sandwiches.

Best Ad Campaign Ever!

2009-11-24T05:36:00.000-08:00

I am preparing a feast

2009-11-22T13:34:00.000-08:00

Turkey
16-20 pounds. Brine overnight with rock salt, sugar and herbs. Stuff cold sliced butter under the skin. Rub with salt, nutmeg,white pepper, and SAGE. Set the temperature to 450 degrees. Roast 30 minute at this tempertature, then lower to 325 finish Allow for 15 minutes per pound under dome of tin foil. Remove the foil for the last 15 minutes and broil. Allow the bird to sit a minimum of 10 minutes before slicing.

Stuffing
Cornbread, toast, celery, sage, eggs, butter, salt, parsley, pecans, onions, mushrooms, pepper to taste. Dry out the corn bread and toast white bread until its very crunchy. Mix eggs and melted butter together. Sautee celery and onions and mushrooms together in butter. Add chopped parsley and copious quantities of rubbed sage to the breads, along with raw herbs, chopped pecans, cooked vegetables and salt and pepper. Toss with egg/butter mixture to distribute the moisture and allow it to steep. Put it in a dish and shove it into the oven with the turkey.

Red Cabbage
Onion, butter, red cabbage, salt, sugar and vinegar.
Saute a very large onion in a stick of butter. Thinly shred the cabbage and add it to the pot. Before it starts to wilt too much, add a cup of vinegar and a cup of sugar and seal the lid. Check frequently and add water to avoid scorching. Salt to taste (it actually requires more than you think).

Mashed Potatoes
Boil cubbed potatoes. Drain. Add butter and hot half and half. Smash. Adjust levels of butter and half and half depending on how dry/starchy potatoes are and how runny folks you're serving like their potatoes.

Sweet potatoes. Peel. Chunk. Bake. Drizzle with Prailine Sauce.

Carrot Souffle
Buy CANNED carrots (already cooked, you see).
Blend then with sugar, baking powder a bit of corn starch, some vanilla, and some eggs. Pour in ceramic baking dish and bake until set and slightly puffy. Dust with powdered sugar.

Sweet Meats
Saute mushrooms, onions, dates, prunes and apricots in butter. Toss in Cashews. Deglaze with brandy. Serve.

Pumpkin Bisque
Canned Pumpkin. Maple syrup, dry mustard, chili powder, worschestershire sauce, chicken stock. Blend, heat, yum.

Creamed Pearl Onions
Buy and thaw frozen bags of pearl onions (not marinated). Fill baking dish with dried onions, cover with cream, toasted bread crumbs and Parmesan cheese. Bake.

Creamed Corn
Buy corn. Drain. Blend up about half to puree. Mix. Add a can of sweetened condensed cream. Bake.

Brussels Sprouts
Boil until soft. Cut in half. Fry in extra hot oil. Drain. Serve with melted butter and smashed roasted garlic.

Cranberry Relish
1/2 cup sour cream, a small onion - minced, 1 cup sugar, 1 bag of cranberries. Blend.

Pie. Rolls. Someone else's green beans. Champagne. Port and a cheese ball.

What are you having for Thanksgiving?

For Tisha, who'd have an easier time putting lipstick on an actual pig

2009-11-11T12:57:00.000-08:00

I had my first salaried position while I was still in college. I worked 4 p.m. to Midnight as a sports reporter and copy editor for The Olympian in Olympia, Washington.
This worked out great because I could take classes that final year. And so I had few friends and hung out a lot with my new co-workers. My friends were up at school and I was in Olympia...
My boss, Jeff Redd, was married at the time to a beautiful woman who was the mother of his two kids. And since they had also moved to Olympia for newspaper employment, she needed a social network and a job.
She chose Mary Kay. And so it was that I, sports chick, wearer of little or no makeup, girl who's idea of fun was kayaking, working out or running around in the woods and then drinking beers, ended up having a Mary Kay make over.
Jeff's wife needed a portfolio of before and after pictures. So, I went on over, freshly scrubbed, with clean hair, and let her curl and tease my hair, and apply layer after layer of foundation and color.
The funniest thing about the day, was when I was staring at a dark corner of the dining room so that she could apply mascara and I noticed a blinking red light. It turned out Jeff had decided to use his reporter's tape recorder to listen in on what we'd be saying about him. We laughed long and hard. He nearly died of shame. And then, I had to get to work.
I didn't scrub the make-up off. Even though by about dinner time I wanted to claw the skin off my face.
The next day it happened... the first of the hideous, infected pock marks on my face. It took two weeks, an antibiotic, and real concern on the part of our male coworkers to get over the allergic reaction to the make up.
Jeff was divorced, by the way, within the year.
He's long since remarried, I'm sure. I've left journalism and long ago moved to Texas from the West Coast.
And still, to this day, even living in the shadow of Mary Kay's world headquarters, I have never tried the make-up or cleansers again.

Can you say, bitter?

2009-11-06T07:23:00.000-08:00

I still hate Time Warner Cable.
I hate that they are a monopoly, and so their customer service sucks.
I hate that they have these really ridiculous structures around how their technicians get paid; structures that really only serve Time Warner's bottom line. Because they really cannot lose a customer. Because there really is no competition.
I hate that they won't listen. Did I mention to them on Tuesday that I needed a new modem? Yes.
Did they listen until Friday? No.
I hate that they won't use the tools they have, because their goal is to get a customer off the phone. Did they have the ability to see my modem had been essentially down since Saturday? Yes. Did they have sensors to check the levels in and out of my house? Yes. Did they give any of this information to the service techs who came and went, telling me that the .20c splitter was my problem, when really, it was that the modem was fried by the last storm.
So it took them four service calls to get it right.
And they've probably just created another Verizon customer.
***
Americans are illiterate.
I heard someone misquoting the Bible the other day at the gym and began to correct him, when he told me he wasn't listening to no... blah, blah, blah. Turns out Americans are racists, too. I am apparently lying to him and trying to undermine his faith because I know what the bible actually says, but I am white. And Jerusalem IS (actually) an artichoke, too, f.y.i. I was trying to make a point, but the humor was somehow lost
However, this illiteracy thing is everywhere.
As most of you know, I am a recruiter. And this is a very tough economy. So when there's a job open, the hiring manager can afford to be very, very picky and only choose candidates whose resumes are home-runs.
And, I contend, that if you want to make $80K a year, it is IMPERATIVE that you know how to construct a sentence, manage to get all of your verbs to agree, use adjectives where they belong and not make up words.
Effectivity is not a word.
Neither is impeccative.
If something starts in the present tense, it cannot finish in the past, unless it is a time-travel novel by Spider Robinson, and then, at least, the grammar will be effectative.
My boss and I are reading your resumes, and we are people who can spend half an hour debating the emotional and sociological implications of the plural possessive.
YOU MUST GET THIS STUFF RIGHT.
And yes, I'm yelling at you.
Go take a GD grammar class. Hell, download one off the Internets and listen to it in your car.
I promise, the 6 months you spend attending night classes could be the career you save: yours.
***
OK, So now, the Top 10 rules of dating Antje.... (for Shine).

10. You must like something (insert cake, wine, candy, ice cream) enough that I can buy it for you in small quantities as a treat and token of my affection. I may not be able to buy you Devore (*Unless it's at a thrift store), but I will buy you gifts. Take them.

9. You must bath, wash your hair and use deodorant, unless we are camping, backpacking or stranded on a sail boat in the South Pacific, in which case you will swim.

8. You must swim. If you do not like water, I will determine that you're irreparably broken. You will become jetsam.

7. Additionally, while you do not have to climb, ride a mt. bike or run on trails, you must accept that I do.

6. I cook. You will eat. You will not grump at me if I buy the most expensive cut of meat or the $15lb cheese.

5. I drink. Never by myself. Never more than three at a time. And never if it's cheap wine or champagne. But I drink and that's not changing any time soon.

4. Dogs live here.

3. Dinner parties are like sex. We will have them. There are three Cs in a happy sexual relationship. Consistency. Consistency. Consistency.

2. The only excuse for leaving months at a time without communication is capture by the Taliban or North Koreans.

1. I like kids. I have decided to eschew mustard sauce and teriyaki for Plucker's Medium Buffalo. But, I am now 39 years old and I'm not bearing yours. Please know this before you spend two years of my life with me.

What is wrong with people: Part 567, 397

2009-11-04T07:48:00.000-08:00

Shame on the majority of voters in Maine who freaked out and let themselves be scared into denying equal rights to all their citizens. I am saddened and a little bit outraged that narrow-minded, fearful, hateful people still manage to control the debate on Human Rights. There is nothing noble or even evolved about acting like a selfish third grader and denying gays and lesbians the right to marry just because they are different. What is wrong with people who are themselves miserable and repressed, that they want to deny others the right to happiness, or at the very least equal protection under the law? I'm pretty sure that there is a cornerstone of being American.
I have to believe these voters are stupid. I just have to. There's no other reason you could be so mean and vile toward another human being.
***
Oh, and I'm still not doing any better with stupid people. But the saying, "She doesn't suffer fools?
Yeah, well as suffer has come to mean 'feel negatively' rather than 'endure patiently,' I do suffer fools. Every time I am around a fool or a relatively "unfoolish" person engaged in foolish behavior, I suffer greatly.
It's incumbent upon me, of course, to change my response to idiocy so that I can recognize it, remember it as something I never want to participate in or display behaviorally, and then let it go.
Still, I can't seem to control the urge to choke the living crap out of some douche bag who desperately deserves it.
***
Speaking of things I can't get over:
The city is repairing sewers and water supplies in the streets in my neighborhood. When they did my street, and the project neared the end, I came home one day to find 1000s and 1000s of gallons of water flowing into the street. I called, aghast at the waste, and was promptly told that this was simply the flushing of the system. It was necessary, I was told, to clean out the now repaired system and insure water quality.
OK, that's reasonable.
But they've been flushing the system at a major intersection in my neighborhood for more than a week now. WTF?
My "water is a scarce resource that needs to be conserved" reflex is kicking in and every day and seeing all that water flow into the gutter makes my brain itch.
***
And while I'm on the subject of things that make me itch... I have developed this nasty habit of not putting the toilet paper roll onto the toilet-paper roll holder. It just sits there until it's used up. Now ordinarily I would suggest this behavior required a slap upside the head. But, I've had a hard enough day. So, I think I'll just put it out there that someone needs to hold me accountable.
Thanks.

The ongoing saga of Panda and her little Abigail

2009-11-02T15:48:00.001-08:00

I've had two responses to my post that Abby and Panda need a new foster home. I am hopeful that I'll be able to pick them up from their current foster parents (who are fantastic to have kept them this long) and take them on their next adventure. Of course, last night I was so sad. Because being reminded of how hideous this whole situation became brought up all the anger and disbelief. How could a family just dispose of a loved-ones pets with no regard for their lives? The pets just experienced a great loss, too. Do people really not get that pets have feelings and form relationships?
***
I just heard a story about rising stars of the Republican Party on NPR's All Things Considered.
Dear KERA, please go back to the pledge drive. So much less depressing than the creeps coming out of the woodwork now as "opposition" candidates.
***
And I was in a pretty good head-space, too. I just got back from the gym, where I did some Pilates and weights. The ankle hurts, but it did not hurt so badly that I was unable to continue. Abs, quads and ham-strings are happy.
***
I picked some fresh winter lettuce for our dinner when I got back. We are having pork chops and cauliflower and -
I think I'll make some of Don Berk's famous cabbage soup. And then, I think I'll invite him to dinner.
***

Next Tuesday it's time to vote...

2009-10-28T10:35:00.000-07:00

The next election is next week Tuesday (Nov. 3) and believe it or not, there's one or two things you might want to vote on....
Here's the link to the voter's guide from the league of women voters. It's the one considered most non-partisan and fair. You can read both sides of each issue.
And it will help you find your polling place as well.
If you want a PDF copy of this, let me know. I can send it to you.

http://www.lwvdallas.org/2009-Nov4TexVoterGuide.html

i hear the eurythmics.

2009-10-21T09:48:00.000-07:00

Not that anyone cares, but I did not get the back yard mowed while it was sunny.
***
I am, however, very grateful that we had four or five days of dry and pretty weather. And I'm glad that the yard is so green and lush. But then the question came up the other day about my green thumb... for years I had thriving plants in my offices at Paladin, plants that I watered and pruned and fed. I felt fairly secure in my green thumb. Then, I moved to this house, where I have killed more plants than ever in my adult life. My initial theory is that it has something to do with the light, but I'm not discounting the idea that there's something in the house that the plants don't like to breathe.... this I base on the fact that my sterling is tarnishing at a faster rate now that at any place I've lived in 39 years. Anyway, so is it the house? Or is my green thumb on vacation?
***
My second line of thinking regarding lush green plants goes like this:
Guy on NPR talking about urban farming says that fruit trees will produce anywhere. Huh? Has he seen my back yard? Has he tested my soil? Pecans, I have plenty. But the apricot tree drops its little, bud-like fruits every year. The fig and the peach look like they're anemic and need to move to Florida. And get a spray-on tan. Seriously... I watered and fertilized and added amended soil before I planted and tilled and tilled that spot where they are set... I see tons of other apricots and figs in my neighborhood. So I'm asking... what gives? Again... is it me?
***
And in the third place, my garden.... my herbs are abundant. More so than I need them to be. And what I can't figure out is what happened to all my herb-using friends? I gave oregano, thyme and peppers to Becky and Mike yesterday and ... I still have more than I can possibly use.
Also, I have a bunch, and I mean a bunch, of lettuce almost ready to harvest. Staggered planting is seeming like a fabulous idea all of a sudden. Yeesh.
***
Yes, I am concentrating on the good things about this rain. Because, well, it makes the dogs protest pottying and then they fart a lot while trying not to mess in the house. And it makes me feel like the walls are closing in. Again. And it messes with the bike trails. Grrrr.
But heck bring on the rain. The garden loves it.

Anyone want some Kale?

Public Service Announcement

2009-10-13T13:46:00.000-07:00

Here are two things I think you should read today....

http://www.itcouldhappentoanyone.com/

http://people-press.org/report/?pageid=1549

The Tale of Two Wolves

2009-10-09T13:20:00.000-07:00

A Great Lesson...
One evening an old Cherokee Wise Man told his grandson about a battle that goes on inside people.
He said, "My son, the battle is between two wolves inside us all."
"One is Evil. It is anger, envy, jealousy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority, and ego. The other is Good. It is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion and faith."
The grandson thought about it for a minute and then asked his grandfather: "Which wolf wins?"
The old Cherokee Wise Man simply replied, "The one you feed."

I, still, {HEART} the sexual revolution

2009-10-06T15:46:00.000-07:00

Ladies,
it is my on-going opinion that no one should long for the dating realities of the 1950s.
All that formality and lack of sex is not the answer to the casual way 20-something men now seem to treat female companionship.
There's got to be a happy medium, because I, for one, am not going back to a time when you did not know before marriage what the sex was going to be like.
Shine's friend, Nicole, wrote this. And I can see that casual dating could be daunting, and get old.
But I, for one, like not having to talk on the phone. I like not having to account for what I'm doing, or whom I'm with.
Men have historically been more "independent" than women, and there are even theories that this is biologically based.
Sigh. Maybe they should have told me I wasn't going to be born a boy before I stood in line for extra 'self-reliance' and a triple dose of 'freedom-loving.'
Anyway, listen up... you don't have to do the 20-something hook up thing. But please, do not wish that we go back to virginity as a bargaining chip and rationing of sex as a means of securing financial security.
Please... I do not want to be a prisoner of those quaint traditions.

Thanks.
Me.