watch out: Tyler has taken up writing....

My weekend in Paradise by Tyler Spethmann (and Jenna)
(Written August 18, 2004)

Well, my paws have finally healed enough that I am ready to write my story. BTW, don’t tell Mom that during the day I let myself out of my cage and come down here to cruise the Net. She’s liable to block my access to Petsmart.com.

Anyway, Dad threw us out in the back yard Friday afternoon while he cleaned out our traveling crate. He always puts lots of stuff in there we don’t really need. Like bike helmets and leashes. But it’s exciting cause we know we’re about to go on a trip.

Ooooh Ooooh. A trip. A trip. Where we gonna go? Where we gonna go?

Jenna always gets a little excited about these things. Wonder if she thinks we’re going to go now? Anyway, where was I?

Mom came home and remembered to pack our dog food. We started on our way about 5 p.m. Mom and Dad left Bailey home with our cousin Luna. Luna doesn’t quite get her job yet so she forgets to stay close to her humans and protect them. This causes stress. And leashes. I sure like Luna, but I prefer a weekend without leashes. Nuf’ said.

Mom and Dad seemed confused. They rushed and rushed to get out of Dallas. Then as soon as we were flowing and moving freely, they stopped. They stop at smelly places. Mom used to let us out and we could run around a bit and scavenge garbage! But we stayed inside the travel crate where it was cool and were soon under way again.

We stopped for a bit longer later in the evening. Then got to Arkansas when it was dark as night… well. It was night. It was a moonless night.

Oooh Ooooh. Bugs. Rodents. Birds. Dogs…Where did they go? Where did they go?

Jenna wasn’t sleepy at all when we got there, but Mom and Dad sure were. They put up a tent. Don’t know why they didn’t want to sleep in the travel crate… We tried to get in the tent with them, cause it’s always fun to sleep with Mommy. And besides we can fart in the middle of the night and cause quite the stir. Dad was insistent, however. I think he wanted Mom to himself.

We went back into travel crate just about the time some rednecks showed up at another campsite. They stayed up all night blaring the radio and yelling at each other. Clearly their lack of personal doggies had them in a fighting mood. Don’t humans realize we’re here to reduce stress and stave off sleepless nights? Anyway…

Dad was mad about them in the morning. But Mom made him coffee and eggs. After a while we all got back in the traveling crate and went across the highway.

Oooooh Oooooh Where we get to run and run. And play in the lake. And people feed me. And Aunt Beth picks me up… When can we go? When can we go?

Jenna is right. At Camp Clearfork we get to run free. And there is a lake. And lots of hashers from all over who give us food (and beer). And there’s garbage to scavenge.

Some whiney dog named Casey was really out of control. She must have gotten her job description messed up. She kept barking and barking. Doesn’t she know that barking is only required to protect her person or her person’s house…? Or definitely during Thunder Storms. Grrrr Arff Arff. I hate Thunder Storms.

Mom and Dad musta known their friends were all staying across the highway. And they were, of course, still sleeping. After a while the one called Chicken Choker got in our traveling crate and some of the others got in the TM2K and we went looking for more places to run and pee. We weren’t in the traveling crate very long before we came to a place I’ve been before. I’ve had lots of fun in that place. I learned to eat apples there. And I rolled in garbage. Hey. Not all garbage is for eating.

Mom and Dad and all their friends were so pleased. The temperature was good. About 70 degrees. And there wasn’t any humidity. And the space was completely open so we didn’t have to worry about strangers.
Mom and Dad got their metal horses together and got ready to ride.

Everyone else went West. Aunt Beth and her pet Bubble. Hog. Julie. Lori. Showtime. Big Gulp. EF and Bovine. Chicken Choker and the one called Ivy. A new one called Oly who Mom had me before I was born. Dad went west, too.

Mom went East with us. We like that direction cause there’s lots of puddles to splash in and streams to cross. We made sure there weren’t any killer squirrels that might attack Mom. But she’s gotten a lot faster and stronger, so I guess we’re going to have to worry more about birds.

Birds? Birds? I want to eat a bird. Oooooh or a squirrel? Can I eat a squirrel?

Never mind Jenna. I should have left her in her cage.

We came to a nice lake and I got to swim… but mom wanted to keep riding so we left it again. Soon, tho, we turned around. The rocks were very sharp. We got back to the lake and I got to swim some more. Mom gave us our power bones. And she ate something that smelled yummy.

I was trying to clean up my feet and the rocks had already cut into the pads. I chewed off the rough parts. Maybe a mistake. Anyway… we headed back.

Mom was getting faster and faster. Or maybe it was my paws that hurt more and more. Pretty soon I couldn’t smell her any more. But there wasn’t anything I could do. Eventually mom came without her metal horse and brought me an apple. Then we walked back nice and slow. It was good to be back.
Everyone else was there too. Except I couldn’t find Dad. Or Aunt Beth. Or Oly and Big Gulp. Everyone left and then Mom, Jenna and I took a nap. It was nice in the shade.

Pretty soon Dad showed up. We all got back in the traveling crate and went back to the camp. The one called Big Gulp was with us. We dropped him off and then went to our campsite. All I did was sleep from then on…. I sure as heck wasn’t going to move around with no skin on my feet. Jenna was tired, too, but she still chased off a few squirrels and birdies and at least one stray dog. It was nice and cool.

After Mom and Dad took showers they left us and took the traveling crate into town. I think they went shopping and ate some food. We ate our food, too. And when the traveling crate came back we got to go to bed.

I could see Mom and Dad sitting by a fire. They sat until the fireflies died down and then went to sleep in the tent. It was really dark. And the rednecks were sleeping instead of fighting. All good news.

Mom and Dad made funny noises in the tent. I think it was because Dad brought the wrong sleeping bag and they couldn’t decide where the right sleeping bag might be. Very curious noises. Sometimes they make them at home, too. They must have lots of problems with their bedding.

The next day my feet hurt so bad I only got out of the traveling crate long enough to pee. Mom gave me my food on my bed. And water, too.

We took the camp down and drove back across the highway. Dad got on his metal horse and left with a lot of the others.

And Aunt Beth picked me up. And carried me. And Bubble found a tick on my head. And my feet hurt too, but not as much. And there was garbage. And Aunt Beth picked me up.

Yes. Jenna was feeling much better And Mom decided to stay, too. I think they sat around and talked all morning. Mom shared a bit of turkey from her lunch. Then she and Dad started the traveling crate and we all drove home.

It didn’t take that long, really. And usually we get rained on when we come back from Arkansas. And you know what, it was nice when we got to Coppell. Not too warm or humid. Just like in Arkansas.

At home the ground is smoother and my feet were a little better. It’s damned hard walking around on point when you’re a Labrador Retriever and don’t have any ballet shoes.
Mom made some food and everyone had dinner. Jenna and I got to see Bailey and Luna. Then Aunt Kim came and took Luna away. My feet were really sore until yesterday. But like I said, today they’re fine. I guess it’s time to go look for some garbage to scavenge!