How to run a half-marathon, Part II

Two days before:

Wake up to rain.
Drink coffee.
Drive to shop to drop off car for oil change.
Stop for authentic Colorado Breakfast Tacos.
Eat.
Shower.
Dress.
Drive to Dr.s Office to get back and neck adjusted because you cannot turn said neck.
Stop by REI for Clif Blocks and TecWash.
Drive to the Salvation Army and try on everything red in the store. Buy a red fleece bathrobe.
Eat Sushi for lunch. Ai.
Pick up car.
Shop for Groceries.
Take a nap in a sweatshirt and jammy bottoms while the rain continues to blanket the windows.
Wake to the smell of roasted garlic.
Eat Soup. Surf Web. Read Book.
Sleep.

One day before:
Wake. Drink Coffee. Note the frost on the grass and the snow on the Peak.
Eat breakfast and go shopping. Buy trinkets, treasures and toys.
Have Vietnamese food for lunch.
Don red bathrobe and running shoes and head to Bambino's Bar and Pizza Lounge. Drink water while others show up in Red Dress attire.
After group photo, take off in pack with altitude acclimated beer-drinking runners.
Find first beer stop in 10 minutes.... drink water.
Meet Butt Mustard.
Take off again, cross highway, find shopping cart, help Butt Mustard give Strip Me a ride. End up at second beer stop before half the pack. Drink water.
Take off a third time, run past the Olympic Training Facility, watch Bungholio dump 100 Buck Fuck on her ass. She is too drunk to be hurt, but he looks like Hamburger Meat.
Watch Brownie drink wine from a box, sit on a Dumpster cover and fall is as it give way. He took Boobs in with him.
Finish up the run and wind up in a bar directly below Bambino's. Change clothes immediately because despite the icy-cold wind, fleece will make you sweat while running.
Avoid the "buffet", stay for the circle. Drink one cider down-down. Discover that Butt Mustrad has tasty nipples vicariously through Strip Me.
Leave to drive to Denver.
Meet T-Bone and go to dinner.
Carbo Load.
Sleep early.

Day of race:
Rise at 4:45 a.m.
Drive to Boulder.
Park a million miles from the start because we were lucky enough to get there early.
Decide to start with the Marathon crew because waiting another hour for the half to start would kill me.
Take the first step off the starting line and realize you have given yourself Achilles Tendonitis.
Decide that it will lessen as you warm up. Walk the first hill.
Hit the one-mile mark and notice you've got the incredibly fast pace of 14-minute miles going on. Decide to at least maintain that.
Get chased by horses. Feed horses Jolly Ranchers. Eat Mocha Clif Shot.
Never get warm enough to take of second long-sleeve technical shirt or gloves.
Round the turn at 6.5 before the half marathon leaders lap you.
Hit 12 miles and think you're going to break your predicted time by more than 30 minutes.
Have the wheels come completely off, to the point where you can hardly take a step.
Avoid the finish line because you don't want the official time to be an hour faster than you've actually run.
Shower.
Change.
Pull car into traffic.
Find new spot to park.
Find Lisa at the finish line of the marathon.
Drive to airport via coffee shop.
Get lost twice.
Find out that your plane is oversold.
Eat the absolute worst Nachos you've ever had in your life.
Finally get seated on a totally full plane and take off 45 minutes late
Land in DFW and retrieve car from lot just as Wedding Ceremony for your good friends is set to begin.
Drive to the house in anticipation of a quick ceremony to prepare food for reception, not realizing that cake and punch reception is happening at the ceremony site. Drive home after 1.5 hours of sitting alone, muscles tightening up and emotions running on empty.

Find out the next day that everyone loved the food.
The final tally:
13.1 miles
1 red dress run
0 blisters
2 pairs of gloves I picked up and stuffing in my bra then forgot to turn into lost and found.
1 new pint glass that I never got filled.
4 amber ciders
2 aching achilles
1 sore knee
1 smoked brisket
50 chile rellanos
1 pan cheese enchiladas
2 gallons of beans
100 tortillas
and 1 hell of a cold which I caught via depressed immune system.
7 weeks until the 16 miler at NorthShore!