Galveston, Part II

There is something about going away that makes me relax. The things I can never do at home: do nothing, procrastinate, dawdle, relax... those things are very easy when I have gone out of town.
It's as if I have finally discovered the gift of vacation.
Sometimes, I get the feeling that it's an extreme reaction. For instance, when I go to see Lisa, I invariably lay around the first day doing nothing but reading and chatting and napping. Nothing! With Lisa. The most proactive and efficient and busy person I know.
Or when I went to see Madhu in D.C. and I spent the first two days sleeping in. So much so, in fact, that she had to wake me lest we miss the Mount Vernon tour we'd planned.
So it was with Galveston, where I slept for 12 hours - straight through. This was aided by the fact that the drapes were light-proof. And the walls were sound proof. And the air conditioning was creating all kinds of white noise.
It occurs to me, however that it might also have to do with the people I am visiting.
Alone, at home, I am not free of judgement. I judge myself. I am not sure if I like who I've been over the past 18/19 months nor if I like who I'm becoming.
With my friends, however, I am completely myself. No judgement. The person I am and the person I was and the person I shall become simply are. The questions do not come into consciousness.
I thought of this because I had really the most wonderful time. It wasn't that we did anything so "awesome" or new that I was carried along by our activities. It was just Mark's presence that made it so special for me. When I think of Mark I think of laughter, respect, fun, relaxation, playfulness, and affection. He is one of my very favorite men. But I do not think of him as a man in my life. He's just a friend. Genderless in any and all sexual ways/connotations. But all that aside, in Mark's presence I feel whole. Much like with Madhu and Lisa, as well. It is that feeling I seek in abundance. It is that feeling I seek in all relationships. And where it is missing, I shall probably let the relationship go. That's how it seems to happen.
So, I went to the beach. But actually, I went to me. I found me. Or I guess I was there all the time; I just needed Mark to show me my reflection.