Do you ever wish...

You could ruin someone's entire day? Turns out it's a lot easier than it seems. I called someone's bluff. He tried calling mine back. But that only made me laugh. He is very upset.... I am guessing his blood pressure won't come down for hours. I actually hate doing it. Makes me feel petty and regretful. I have not done unto others as I wish them to do unto me. And now I owe a third person an apology as well.

Lisa and I talked a lot about imbalance. Strength and atrophy. I am going to have to get back into the weight room. And soon. I keep saying that. There's a part of me that thinks it's too expensive or that I don't have time. She's saying twice a week. I think even three times a week would be hard. But why wouldn't I do what is hard if it's what is right, my only choice and critically important to what I want? This is where the question in NLP arises, what stops or prevents you from having what you want? I wish I could answer that. I wish I had the courage to really ask myself.

I talked to my friend, Bruce, in Seattle yesterday. It momentarily opened the flood gates to a lot of questions and feelings I had when I returned from vacation. Why did I not go home? Was I finally ready? Has it now become harder to be here then to be there? It is an exquisite insight into the hierarchy of criteria. And how they change.

Do I love my life here? I used to. I got used to saying that. Then, I quit saying it. People quit asking. They never dared or assumed to ask why I might still be in Texas. They most likely just assumed it was because of Mike. An assumption that includes the sexist belief that women would most certainly sacrifice for love, that one would have to, that there is nothing more important than a love relationship. Our society still has that wrong. It's a trap, it does not allow choice, and it does not create a win-win-win situation. There must be a different paradigm. I continue to search.

Wealth and prosperity create a lot of these existential crises. I simply couldn't keep up with the number of humans I do, over the distances I do, without the aid of modern technologies. So, for instance, I would not be able to chide myself for failing to pick up the cell phone and return a call on the drive home from the gym. I would not be able to drive and simultaneously talk to people so the definace of that ability would not be an issue. Just because we can, doesn't mean we have to... and yet there are so many people I need to touch base with.... I feel disconnected.

Amela, Brad Moore, Ian, Kristin, Maura, Bruce (to an extent), Dan, Jeffie Siu, Marty, Chris Kang, AnnMarie, Jadey, Steve, Jeff Luchsinger and Jeff Carmichael, Madhu, H, Rose, Lucky Woodruff, Shannon, Kiele, Kelly Eppelman, MA, Vance, and those aren't even the distance ones. Those aren't even the ones I no longer feel guilty about.

Universe. Can you please find where I (me, myself and I) put my sunglasses and let someone who can return them know. I promise to apologize to those I have already hurt today.