The miracle of the heart

The Paladin Christmas lunch was last Friday. We wanted to go to Fogo De Chao and after three tries, we made it there and waited an extra 25 minutes to be seated. The food, as always, was outstanding. And, as always, we all over ate. I managed to stay awake the entire afternoon, eat a bowl of soup for dinner and actually wake up the next morning to lay the hash trails. However, I have felt a tad heavy and polluted all week. Esp. today, when I woke up thinking I absolutely have to clean out my system or nothing on the to-do list will get accomplished. After a nice walk outside and a peppermint mocha from Starbucks, I am grateful to announce that I am finally feeling free of the death-by-meat meal of five days ago... so it actually does take almost a week to digest the half a roast lamb I consumed. Eeeewwww. It's enough to make you crave becoming a vegetarian. Almost. But then, ...nah. Those roasted lambs just taste too good.
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I was talking to Susan the other day and she revealed a great secret to me. She kept saying she kept someone connected. Keeping someone connected has a very vague meaning to me. Energetically I get it. But I was having trouble with the persistent 'how?' And then I realized. How. You hold them in your heart. Now this may seem equally esoteric... but I know how to think of someone and feel the smile spreading across my face. I know how to imagine that person doing something endearing and have the light glow from my vision. I know how to feel the warmth rising in my chest and the peace spreading through my whole body and recognize that this is unconditional love. There are those whom I miss terribly. But I cannot let them know. So for now, I am holding them in my heart.
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I was driving home from a small Christmas gathering last night when a feeling of contentment washed over me. It was the realization that Dallas is beautiful at night, all lit up, dressed in holiday cheer and clean from recent rains. The sky was bright and clear. The air in the car was crisp and cool. The night was not dark. But it was enveloping. I am grateful for this contentment. This feeling of peacefulness. It is the knowledge that things are very good indeed. That there is enough. Always. That the universe is abundant and that I am so much a part of it, all of it can be experienced by and through me. In this moment I am full -- of light, of love, of satisfaction. There is no longing. No need. No pressing thing I want to make myself whole. This is the feeling of happiness. It is the reason I seek and the blessing of life.
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Perhaps that is why this is my favorite time of year. I am not fond of the retail aspects of Christmas. I do not enjoy the tacky store decorations that come out earlier and earlier each year. I am wary of the letdown when the gift I have chosen with care and kindness is received with a compulsory thanks. I do not wish to spend hours baking sweets I won't eat, or even getting things. And the music gets tiresome very soon.
However, I love the lights. I love the candles burning in windows that the sparkling of trees. I love the bushes draped with blankets of white light and the outlines on houses and the transformation of Southern homes into icicle-laden mountain cabins. I love the glow. Pregnant women and those who love are said to glow at their good fortune. I am certain that this is a metaphor for humanity. We light our worlds at Christmas to signify the rebirth and the glow of hope for the new year. So it was before Christmas came. When the Pagans celebrated the shortest day of the year with fire and merriment. The meaning is not incidental. It is, in fact, universal.
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The other thing I love about the holidays is the parties. Most of the year, I am the only one social enough to want to gather, eat and enjoy each other on a weekly basis. But during the holidays I can count on many events to fill my nights and my heart. It seems that community is my favorite word. But I mean it. Merry Christmas.
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So, I really have returned to loving my life in Texas. I am full of anticipation and free of dread. I am relaxed, content, grateful, inspired, and in awe of how amazing and wonderful I can feel. I have crafted my life and I am thankful for each and every part. I have an amazing life.