And all I had to do for success was avoid all things fried.

Things not to do while on vacation...
1. Do not forget to pack dog food if you are planning on taking two dogs.
2. Do not try to call XM Radio from Memphis -- Texas
3. Do not have a milkshake for breakfast if you have to have the windows up any time in the next five hours
4. Do not leave your wallet on the hood of the car. Especially if the wallet and the car are the same color
5. Do not drive off and forget the wallet you left on the hood of the car
6. Do not, once you find that wallet missing, drive an hour back to find it.
7. Do not expect it to be there.
8. Do not get upset when you realize it's just taken you almost 8 hours to get to Amarillo
9. Do not order calf fries
10. Do not eat at the Big Texan, no matter how much your gay roommate and his boyfriend beg.
11. If you do eat at the Big Texan, prepare to be underwhelmed.
12. Do not be surprised if you give someone a fruity drink and he hasn't had alcohol in 9 months that he becomes loud and silly.
13. Do not be surprised if loud, silly gay people offend Amarillo's locals
14. Do not get between a man and his grown daughter.
15. Do not get between a grown man and his word scramble.
16. Do not laugh out loud when the silliest looking hair-do on the planet comes walking by bearing hot coffee.
17. Do not let your dogs run free next to a bog of red mud.
18. Do not leave the doors to your car standing wide open.
19. Do not forget that in May in Amarillo it is hot at noon.
20. Do not forget to wear sunscreen, especially if it's your first day in the sun all year.
21. Do not forget ice.
22. Do not expect locals on Walmart comfort bikes to take kindly to being scolded for not wearing a helmet.
23. Do not expect law enforcement to have a sense of humor.
24. Do not mistake white wine vinegar for white wine.
25. Do not forget that if he were smarter, he would not be serving meals at Abuelos
26. Do not park up wind from a cattle truck.
27. Do not expect the Walmart in Childress to have gluten-free bread.
28. Don't worry, if there is something old for sale, anywhere in the world, there is a shop in Estileen that sells it
29. Do not forget your checkbook; it is precisely then you find the perfect antique cuckoo clock for your parents' aniversary for sale for only $35
30. Do not expect to be home in time for the hash