Peanut: Rest in Peace

My baby Peanut died in my arms last night just before 10 p.m. His lungs were filled with blood and he couldn't breathe at all. He had been suffering all day and I took him to the vet who explained that he had a cleft palate and would have aspirated some formula. The cleft palate was his destiny. He was born to die.
Still, I held him and sang to him between the sobs. I told him I loved him and let him hear my heart. I can only hope he was comforted by the warmth and tenderness in my hands as he slipped away.
Death is empty. It's very simple and very unremarkable and then it's like a small part of the energy of your own heart is gone.
I held little Peanut for quite a while and cuddled him after he was gone. Then I begged the vet not to put him in a bag... even though I know they must... and even though I know little Peanut is gone.
I don't know what I believe this morning... I am pretty sure it will be a long time before I know what I believe... but death is very empty. And my heart does not understand.