I miss my boyfriend, part II

Evidence is relative.
If I am feeling like a loser, the universe will provide me with lots of evidence that this is true. Of course there's also lots of evidence that this is not true... but that's not what I focus on.
For instance, I baked yet another perfect loaf of millet-rice bread. I have worked out every day this week and have plans to do so again tonight. I got a load of firewood for free and it's all neatly stacked in my back yard. I was patient and the Cannas actually showed their little heads. Two cucumbers are still alive. Chaco's new parents love him and speak of him with effusive praise. The yard is coming together. The hash is growing. I keep learning new things, like how to break down a small motor, and how to dismantle an insinkerator. The Buisness Marketing Association has a new treasurer thanks to my efforts. And Emma has been medicated and she will feel better soon, because I insisted she get taken to the vet again.
So... really, there's a lot to be thankful for.
I am getting a larger than usual tax refund... even though it's not here yet. But that's counter-balanced by the fact that I put my car in a ditch and my deductible is $500.
I get unemployment. And rent from Amy. But there's always somebody that needs something that I can't give them because I have no money to give.
It rains, which waters my gardens. But there are clouds that darken the skys and make the world grey.
There are doggies, who give kisses. But they shed and track in mud and fight with each other over the silliest things.
There are people who want my company, but the things they want us to do together require funds I don't have to spend (sorry Den, I really do want to come to N.O.).
So that is what happens when you are depressed, or mourning, or healing from loss. You will discount the positives, the 1000s of things that go right, in order to dwell on the evidence that corroborates your mood.
***
The other day I had "THE TALK."
My climbing partner and long-time friend called to see how I was doing.
It turns out that he is also the investor in our business and despite the fact that we have not defaulted on the loan, we also do not have anything to show for it - as the business no longer exists and was never able to get to profitability. Of course, this was a lawsuit that I did not intend to face. But, then, Leslie should have done what our lawyer told us to do, instead of putting us all at risk. Still, the economy was horrible and the jobs weren't coming. If we had been able to earn more, we would have been able to fight the assault (really, it was more like a harassment suit, but maybe that's what all defendants think).
So he told me that he was not mad at me and that he's just been so busy since he retired that he's never gotten around to calling. I told him that, quite honestly, I hadn't called because I was just too embarassed.
And there you have it. I sobbed.
I work very hard to live a life I am not embarassed by...
And in this, I have failed.