Now what do I do?

I am living with a great internal conflict.
On the one hand, I am a bleeding heart who reels from the injustices humans heap upon one another and wants always to help first and ask questions later.
On the other hand, I have very little sympathy for stupid people and I've discovered that more and more of what's wrong with people is their own stupid choices.
This conflict has another aspect which is just as irreconcilable, even if it's less global in nature.
On the one hand, I believe very strongly that any adult should be able to do with his or her body whatever he or she wants. This includes the right to choose abortion, pierce your body, have sex with whomever attracts you, or save yourself for marriage.
On the other hand, I lack the capacity to understand S and M, or violent or degrading sexual fantasies.
I wouldn't say I want to ban it. But I can tell you that if you admit to me you've always wanted to be cut, whipped, choked, chained or otherwise be hurt during sex, I'll assume a pathology exists. I don't think you've got a healthy relationship with sex and I will not sleep with you.
I'm telling you this because I listened to an interview with the author of "Whip Smart" this morning on Terri Gross's "Fresh Air," and I was somewhat hopeful, given the venue, that I'd come to understand it at an intellectual level.
Nope.
The woman is smart and she is eloquent. But she divulged her own pathologies on the show and it only strengthened my initial impression.
And the conflict continues.