Just Add Beer

So there I was, in the parking lot of Tom Thumb, trying desperately to decide whether to wank, and the crowd just kept cumming and cumming.
The event was the Bayou Bash Solstice Hash in honor of the longest day of the year, the rites of Summer and good food at the On In.
We milled around for hours (OK about 1 hour), uprooting trees, roots and flours... OK, just drinking a bit of beverage and waiting for the assembled to be "Reddi."
Finally, chalk talk wans we were off.
I decided against wanking.
Since the hare had promised us shiggy so deep we wouldn't be able to find our way out, we all carried lights. Seemed as though we weren't going to need them at all as we wound our way through a sad little Lewisville neighborhood and past the ceramic cats to the glorious entrance of a trash chute.
By now, all males of the hashing species having abandoned us, we the mighty harriettes hung together and waded through the effluent as we wound our way toward the beer. Immediately, tales of OTR-runs past sprang forth in conversation as we helped each other up and down embankments and picked our way past dirty diapers and the offal that is modern society.
At the tunnel, we packed together, spontaneously signing as we searched for the light.... For the life of me, I cannot remember the song... something about sunshine, but not on our shoulders... Jesus, don't come in my hair was able to recall last night after the circle.... but we've slept since then.
Back to the soul-sucking suburban neighborhoods of Lewisville for a while, where we harriettes picked up Lefty, Wedgie and Spazz,
We knew we were at the Beer Check when Hog was seen going backwards on trail with Cutter, looking for Pork Me Now, who was short cutting into the BC from behind. Well, he can't win... but we already knew that.
Anyway, we the harriettes of the back of the pack could not get drunk at the BC because we were OOB... that's out of beer. Having fallen and torn up my calf, I chose to ride to the second BC, which was miraculously close and where we arrived AFTER the pack.
FBS climbed a tree looking for beer. But alas, beer doesn't grow on trees. Silly Monkey.
This second BC was remarkably free of TRASH - until we got there, that is.
Still, it wasn't our final resting place, so off we went on the third half of our show. Minus a few hashers.
Those of us hashing smarter -- and/or wanking -- rushed back to the On In to get the good beer before the pack wandered in about 15 hours (er, 30 minutes) later.
It was dark and still and we were massive (Slut Slinger?) in number... so we could be heard frum miles around.
Apparently by cops.
Lefty was slightly off course at one point and got accosted by Lewisville's finest pork product. Having successfully thrown said copper off trail -- literally -- he wandered into the circle up while Wenis and I were off looking for him. He seems most upset by the fact that we were worried about him. But then, we'd been giving him a hard time for actually showing up, and he had a definite lack of beer in his blood.
What followed was a circle so lame I can't remember a single accusation. The porn reading was good, tho.
Spazz re-dressed a few harriettes. And then we walked back to the cars. Lefty happened to know the way.
The on after would have been fine, but the kitchen was closed.
Nacheaux served us her name-sake but by this time we needed grease to soak up the contents of the previously-floated keg.
This harriette left just after Midnight. In stolen shoes. Hot Toddy will have to name his price to get them back.
Hope everyone made it out of Lewisville without another pork-product run in. Hope Sparkle found her bag. Hope Macy gets left at another circle or two. I'd love to just snatch her and take her home with me. Hope Spazz makes his plane back to Guam. Hope Chihuahua didn't fall asleep in his beer. And I hope fun was had by all.
I'm off now to rub ointment into my chaffed inner thigh and plan the OTR schedule for the rest of 2008.

Harriettes ROCK.