Things it took me 37 years to learn...

1. Some music should be loud. This includes opera, anything angry, and anything by Queen.

2. Telling someone to have patience when they have none is akin to telling a fish that a bicycle would be easier than walking... it does not compute.

3. There is no accounting for the vagaries of the human heart. For instance, I love tomatoes, even green. While most people won't eat them unless they've been premasticated and combined with sugar, onion, garlic, salt and food coloring.

4. It is useful to have a tow-truck driver living next door. But not nearly as much fun as living next to a wine distributor (yes, I miss Harry).

5. The amount of yard work is inversely proportionate to the degree to which the gardener likes doing it.

6. If you actually like meetings, you don't have enough to do.

7. Nearly anything can be fixed with a zip tie. Which means that Duct Tape is officially not so alone in the world.

8. No matter what the prize money involved, a prom dress made of Duct Tape would still be uncomfortable.

9. Racism has nothing on classism in this country.

10. Even if we do value what we have at the time we have it, we value it more when it's gone.

11. There are those who believe that happiness is a mental disorder. And they might be right.

12. Moving 8 cubic yards of dirt by yourself is not smart. And it's not cost effective. But some people think it's fun. That too, is a mental disorder.

13. I have a lot to learn about the subtleties of taste. But in the mean time, cheese makes everything taste better.

14. There are disadvantages to being six feet tall in a world of five and a half foot women, but I bet they couldn't think of a single one.

15. Arbitrary lists with artificial numbers of items are none-the-less compelled to be the length you set out to make them.