So here's the deal... I'm stressed.... this starting a new business three months before the most devastating economic situation to hit the U.S./World in my lifetime is a bit scary. And it does make me wonder if the timing could have been strategically avoided.
We saw the housing crisis looming, but the economy kept skirting the edge of recession and I have actually finally learned that there's no one who really knows... it's just all opinion and acting locally.
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My local sucks.
I haven't been exercising, although I do feel a ton better about my diet - the quality of my food intake is very much better and I am seeing the difference as well as feeling it. But I have not exercised now in long enough that it's going to hurt when I start again... which makes it worse to start again. The exercise thing is a huge component because it matters that I have big huge bags under my eyes and it matters that my skin is dull and it matters that my mind isn't oxygenated and it matters that the energy channels in my body are jammed up.
It was Annie's immediate advice to me: "Take a walk" "Get some exercise" She did not mince words.
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I go through cycles of panic. I know from years of experience that perspective is the only thing that helps... but I cannot maintain it. In fact, when I am hurting, I can't even find it.
I realized this morning that there's nothing pressing in my life except this company... I should be relatively free to work on it... but I can't do more than I am doing... except cold call clients... So, I think that's next. I can hear Marty's voice in my head as he explains to me how he got into sales in the first place. I can see the image I first had that night. And now I can almost hear and taste it. Isn't it strange how memories resonate like that and become more real in certain circumstances. Well, actually it's not. It's a perfect truism. And of course, now I am remembering the day someone told me what a truism was.... and who was there and how long ago that was... and what I've learned since then... and....
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I go through cycles of panic. I just want to run away. I want to blame someone else. I want to find someone to help me. I want out from under the crushing burden of what I have taken on.
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And now the guilt of taking the time to write this down is more than I can bear so I'll stop - and start working. I hate negative reinforcement. I just hate it.